A Family on Paper
by ChampagneWishes
Summary: Set in Season 1 after the events of "Casino Night". Ryan has a new home and new legal guardians, but what's it going to take for him to realize that he's actually a member of the family? Sick!Ryan/Ryan&Cohen Clan Bonding
1. Chapter 1

_Sorry- I posted this once then realized I didn't make a few corrections post upload and had to re-do it!_

_A/N: So I have a lot of ideas for some pretty "major" stories floating around my head… Bumping into one another, but none of them are quite formulated enough for me to start posting… So in the meantime, more sick Ryan, partly cause yay Ryan/Cohen bonding and partly cause I felt like I could have done a better job with "Here for you" and because I just started re-watching season 1. So without further ado, my latest Ryan torture fic- Hope you enjoy… _

_Disclaimer: This is pure, unadulterated whump & fluff, no plot & no apologies. _

_P.S. This was originally intended to be a one shot but if it seems like people are enjoying reading this... Then I might keep going ; )_

_Disclaimer 2: In case anyone was unaware or was debating suing me: I don't own the O.C., or its characters, never have. I might own the DVD box set..._

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He couldn't sleep. The air in the room felt heavy and oppressive. Despite the large windows that looked out on to the infinity pool and then out towards the ocean, Ryan felt like the walls of the airy pool house were closing in on him. Maybe it was just the headache. It had started the night before during dinner, gradually working it's way from the base of his skull and then reaching towards his temples with minor achy tremors. It had been enough for him to cut short the video game playing with Seth and head to bed early.

He slowly sat up, swallowing a few times to try and get rid of a slight itchy feeling at the back of his throat, and was surprised when even the slight movement seemed to make the pain worse and the tremors seem to reverberate deeper in his skull. He hadn't wanted to ask Kirsten for anything. Just because Dawn had declared that Kirsten was his mother now, didn't make it true. I mean, sure that's what the fancy legal documents said, and it wasn't that Ryan wasn't grateful. No, that was just it. He was grateful. So grateful, which was why he didn't want to bother her about anything, not even a request for Advil.

He wanted to prove that he wasn't a burden or a problem, and he felt like even though Sandy and Kirsten had decided to become his legal guardians he still had a long way to go before he proved himself worthy of being a part of the family, and he wasn't off to the best start. He still couldn't believe that after everything… The fights… The fire… Dawn… It still amazed him that they were still willing to take him in, willing to give him a home, willing to accept him baggage and all. That wasn't the way Atwood luck went. Atwood's don't get third chances, heck Atwood's don't even get second. When you're Atwood, you don't get "lucky." But that's what he was he realized, as he got to the feet and walked out into the quiet night air… Lucky.

He took a few deep breaths, trying to clear his head from the fuzzy pounding. It seemed to help a little. He debated venturing into the kitchen to try and find some Advil, but the clock next to his bed had informed him that it was two in the morning, and he didn't want to risk disturbing the Cohen's while they slept. He took a few more deep breaths, then went back into his pool house. Silently regarding the still and dark main house where his new family slept.

That house, it was filled with people, and stuff, a lifetime's worth of stuff and things, carefully and artfully arranged. It wasn't the kind of life that you could pack up and throw in the back of a U-Haul, and disappear into the night…Or day, if no one was watching or caring. That thought left him feeling comforted, but he still felt tense and apprehensive. A feeling prickled along his neck like something just had to go wrong. _"Maybe it's the headache…"_ He tried to tell himself, but suddenly the slight tickle in his throat decided to make itself known, and he coughed. _"Oh God- please don't let me be getting sick!"_ He sent up a silent prayer to whoever might be listening. Someone had been listening recently, he felt sure, how else had his life turned around so dramatically? He decided he was just being silly, phantasmal- sickness. He was so sure that _something_ was going to happen that he was making something happen. This was all in his mind. Everything bad that was going to happen, had happened. From here on out, things were going to be good. He set his mind firmly on that resolution as he climbed back into bed, determined to ignore the headache, and the second round of coughing.

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He can't sleep. It's nearly 6am. Every time he coughs, it makes his head hurt. Okay. That's enough of that he decides. Lying here isn't helping him feel any better. He sits up, rubbing his temples slightly, willing the headache to recede slightly, and climbs out of bed. Maybe he should go for a run, clear his head and his lungs. He gets up and pulls on a pair of shorts and a wife beater. His sneakers are old, but they'll do. He pulls them on, and sneezes as he straightens back up.

As he steps out into the early morning air, he realizes it's misting slightly. Not raining, more like a light ocean spray. He glances at the sky, its still a smoky gray color, the sun hasn't been up very long. His sets off down the driveway and up the road. The mist hardly bothers him, as he starts to move, his body slowly warming. He coughs twice more, but then the cough is gone, but the headache isn't. It takes up throbbing with his footsteps, and his legs soon start to ache. Much sooner than they should. His body doesn't feel right. Probably the lack of sleep he decides. His watch tells him that he's only been running for about fifteen minutes. Well, the run home will be another fifteen. He glances at the sky, it's grown darker, not lighter, and an ominous thunder rolls across the sky. He turns and starts to run home, but he's interrupted by a coughing fit, followed by a wave of dizziness.

He forces his feet onward, each foot step bringing him closer to being back with the Cohen's. He's tired by now, he'll be able to go to sleep just fine now. The thought of a warm bed hurries him onward. Then he looks around. His heart thuds against his chest as he realizes he isn't sure where he is. He must have taken a wrong turn. Thunder booms over his head again, louder this time, closer, but the misting has stopped at least. He turns around, his footsteps have slowed. He retraces his steps. He feels a fat drop of rain hit his shoulder, and forces his legs to move faster.

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Kirsten is staring out the window, watching the rain pound against the window. It's not even 7am but the thunder woke her up and she went downstairs for her morning cup of coffee. She jumps slightly with surprise when she hears the front door open. Ryan comes in, looking like he decided to take a morning shower in the rain.

"H-Hey Kirsten," He says, as soon as gets inside the warm house he starts to shiver slightly.

"Ryan! What were you doing out there?" She asks, staring at him aghast at would could have possibly come over the teen.

"I c-couldn't s-sleep. Went for a r-run." The shivering gets worse.

"Hold on, let me get you a towel," She says, and darts up the stairs to the linen closet, where she grabs the biggest fluffiest towel she can find, and brings it down to Ryan.

"T-Thanks…" His teeth are still chattering as he wraps the towel around himself. "I'm going to t-take a hot shower," He clenches his teeth to try and stop the obvious shaking, and makes his way past her, heat rising to his cheeks with embarrassment. Worried he's going to drip on her expensive rugs, he hurries through the kitchen and out towards the pool house. Unsure what to do or say, Kirsten just lets him go. His cheeks are flushed red with embarrassment.

In the safety of the pool house he quickly jumps into the shower and cranks up the heat. He sneezes twice as the hot water splashes down on him, but the chill seems to subside from his bones. The water goes from hot to luke- warm all too quickly though, as the other members of the Cohen household take their morning showers, so Ryan's forced to hop out before he's ready, but he decides it's for the best. Standing there, he was starting to get a little dizzy… Climbing out of the shower, he sneezes several times in quick succession. His throat is starting to hurt too. Maybe the run hadn't been such a good idea… Ryan thinks as he starts to get dressed, pulling on two t-shirts and his hoodie. The cold seems to be back, he's freezing again. Coffee. He needs coffee.

A quick sprint through the rain and his back in the Cohen kitchen again. He's relieved that no one's around, because his lungs ache and he can't help coughing. He sniffs. His nose is stuffed up now and his head feels like it might have swollen slightly. Swallowing hard, and hoping to surpress any further involuntary signs of sickness, he shuffles to the coffee maker and pours himself a cup. Then he brings it to the counter and sits down, holding the cup tightly in his hands, trying to absorb the warmth. He takes a few sips, but his stomach really isn't interested in having anything in it, so he gives up and settles for just enjoying the cup's warmth.

"Feeling better now?" Kirsten comes back into the kitchen.

"Yeah," He's surprised by the hoarseness in his voice, and clears his throat, "Thanks for the towel."

Kirsten smiles, "No problem- Do you want some breakfast?"

"No thanks," Ryan shakes his head, then regrets the movement, "I… I might go back to bed."

Kirsten glances at the clock, "Yeah, Seth probably won't be up for at least four more hours."

"Do you…" He feels his cheeks burn slightly with embarrassment, "Have any Advil?"

"What's wrong?" Kirsten's suddenly on full alert. "Are you not feeling well?"

"No… It's just a little headache."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah…." Ryan says, his voice sounds hoarse again.

"Alright…" Kirsten reluctantly gives in, and gets him the Advil, placing two tabs on the counter, and gets him a glass of water.

"Thanks," Ryan says, gratefully, and trying not to wince as he swallows the pills and the water. Hopefully that will take care of most of the aches and pains, at least long enough for him to get a little rest. Then he makes a swift exit and heads back towards the pool house.

When Sandy comes downstairs he finds Kirsten standing by the door, staring over the pool house. "Hey Kirsten, what's wrong?" He knows that look.

"I don't know…." She says, "But I'm worried about Ryan,"

"Ryan? Why?"

"He went for a run in the rain this morning, and he was just in here, and he didn't look so good. I think he might be feeling a little ill."

Sandy looked thoughtfully out towards the pool house, "Ryan's used to taking care of himself, so I don't think he'd appreciate if you want charging out there."

"I know… That's why I haven't." Kirsten said with a sigh, "But I'm his mother now… I'm supposed to take care of him."

"Look, if Ryan really needs you I'm sure he'll come to you."

"Really? I'm not so sure…" Kirsten said, "Do you think I could go out there and at least take his temperature?"

"No." Sandy said firmly. "If he's sick, he's probably sleeping anyway. Let him rest."

"Okay…" Kirsten said, with a long sigh, as she fought against her motherly instincts.

Ryan lay on his bed, curled in the fetal position, as the sneezing that had turned into a coughing fit finally subsided. He moaned, the Advil had taken some of the edge of his headache, but it was still there, and it throbbed with even the slightest movement, and the coughing fit made it pulsate painfully. Every muscle in his body seemed to ache, particularly his shoulders and neck, so it was with great effort that he managed to flip the pillow so the cool side lay against his hot face. His plan to go back to sleep had failed miserably. He almost wished he had told Kirsten he wasn't feeling well, even though he wasn't sure exactly what that would accomplish, but somehow, it felt like she always had the answers. Like she could fix any situation. He couldn't remember anyone ever really taking care of him when he was sick.

Dawn would just run a hand over his forehead, drop a bottle of cough syrup or Pepto Bismol by his bed, and then go on with her life. Boyfriends had even less interest in a snotty sick kid, but he knew from watching television commercials what it might be liked, but still that was TV, and he wasn't sure what reality really had. Once he had a mild stomach bug while at Theresa's, and her mom had rubbed his back as he leaned over the toilet and then brought him saltines and ginger ale while he lay on the couch, and waited for his mom to come, while he prayed that she would never come, and he could stay there forever.

He debated going and finding Kirsten, but just the thought of moving made his head spin, and he really didn't want to bother her. She was probably leaving for work soon, or an exercise class, or a charity committee. No, he wasn't here to bother the Cohen's. He sighed, and then regretted it as he started to cough again.

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"Alright, I'm off," Sandy said, gathering up his brief case and heading out the door. "Are you?" He arched a bushy eyebrow.

"I'm going to stick around the house this morning…"

"Still worried about Ryan?"

"Yeah…" Kirsten confessed.

"Well, maybe you should just go out there."

"I thought you said..?"

Sandy shrugged, "Yeah, but, if you're just going to stand here and worry about him…"

"True… I'll bring him some tea!" She said, pleased to have come up with an excuse to go and visit Ryan.

When the tea was ready, complete with honey and lemon, she went out to the pool house and knocked softly. "Ryan?" No response. She knocked again, "Ryan?" She waited another moment.

"Kirsten?" A crackly voice responded.

"Can I come in?"

"S-Sure," Was the very unsure response. She opened the door, Ryan was sitting up, but his shoulders were. In the sunshine coming in the windows he looked rather pale, except his cheeks which looked slightly flushed. His eyes, usually bright and alert, looked a little glassy.

"I brought you some tea, I thought it might help your headache."

"Tea?" Ryan asked uncertainly. Kirsten almost winced when she heard how hoarse he sounded, he seemed to notice, because he tried to quietly clear his throat.

"It has a little caffeine, it always works for migraines…" When she said it out loud, Kirsten realized what a flimsy excuse it really was. Ryan probably did not have a migraine.

"Thanks…" He said, as he took the warm cup from her, and took a small, polite sip and then set it down.

"Do you uh… Need anything else?"

Ryan's cheeks turned even darker red, "No, I'm fine."

"How's your headache?"

"Almost gone," He was lying they both knew it. For a moment they caught one another's eye. Kirsten could practically see him wavering, those dark blue eyes assessing her, deciding whether or not he should say anything, and then his body decided for him. He sneezed, twice, then coughed. More than twice. The coughing sounded painful, and Kirsten sat down on the bed next to him, and rubbed his back as the coughing fit subsided.

"Ryan, are you feeling alright?" Sitting next to him, she could practically feel the heat radiating off his body.

Slowly he shook his head, "No…" He whispered. The word was like magical permission for Kirsten to begin her motherly administrations, and first things first, she placed a cool hand against Ryan's forehead. She didn't dare kiss it though, as she might have with Seth, besides she didn't need to. The fever was obvious. "Shouldn't have gone for a run," He said, the hoarseness in his voice had come back. "I got lost… And it started to rain… I don't want… I don't want to be a bother…"

"Oh Ryan… You're not a bother… You're my son. If you're sick, I want to take care of you!" She said. She grabbed a pillow that was next to Ryan, fluffed it, and put it behind him, so he didn't have to sit so upright. He lay back against it. "If you're coughing, it's better if you don't lie down all the way, that will make it worse." She explained. "I'll be right back, okay?" She patted his hand. "Drink the tea, it'll help your throat."

"So it's not for my headache?"

Kirsten smiled, "No… It wasn't a very good excuse, was it?" She admitted.

"No... But... I'm glad you came…" Ryan said, his body finally relaxing slightly and his eyes starting to close. Kirsten couldn't resist, she leaned over and gave her new son's forehead a gentle kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

_I was having fun with this story- and everyone seems to like it, so I guess I'll keep going! Hope y'all enjoy some more sick Ryan!_

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It was the coughing fit that jolted him awake. His shoulders shuddered as the coughs forced their way out of his sore throat and choked his lungs as he struggled to breath. When he finished, he lay back, limp and exhausted as his headache throbbed like aftershocks from an earthquake. When the pain receded enough for him to open his eyes and risk moving his sore neck and pounding head, he looked around. He was strangely disappointed to find that Kirsten wasn't there. Glancing at the clock he realized he had been asleep for several hours. Next to him he found traces that Kirsten had been out there, probably fairly recently, judging from the glass of water with the ice still floating in it and the cup of hot tea, steam still rising from the surface. A box of tissues had also miraculously appeared, along with the required trash receptacle.

With a great effort, Ryan managed to take a drink of water. Swallowing hurt his throat, but the cool liquid felt good against it. He decided not to try the tea, he already felt overly- warm, despite the fan circling over head. He did manage to blow his nose, and was releaved when he found himself able to breath a little more easily, but he knew the feeling probably wouldn't last.

A gentle tap came at the door, Ryan wondered how often Kirsten had been coming over to check on him. "Ryan?" Her voice was soft, if he was still sleeping she was trying not to wake him.

"Yeah?" He winced as he spoke, both from the raspiness of his both and because it sort of hurt to talk. As if he'd been yelling a lot or something.

She opened the door, "Oh good, you're awake," She smiled.

"Sorry..." Ryan started to apologize.

"Why are you apologizing? You're sick... It happens..." She crossed the room as she spoke, and put her cool hand against his forehead. "Still feverish..." She frowned. "I brought the thermometer out, can I take your temperature?" It wasn't really a request, as she brandished the small instrument, "Open up..." Ryan obediently followed her instruction. After she placed the thermometer under his tongue, and he sank back into his nest of pillow, Kirsten gently reached forward and wiped his bangs from his brow. Ryan didn't protest.

_"So this is what a mother does..."_He thought, he'd had his temperature taken before by school nurse's and such, but no one had ever kissed his forehead before, or been so concerned about the fact that he had a fever. Well, Dawn would be, as she ran a rough hand over his face. "Hmm... Still sick huh? Does this mean you can't go to school?" She would ask. Sick Ryan would shrug, he didn't want to go to school. He wanted to stay in his warm bed and sleep. Sometimes Dawn would let him. Other times she'd make him go to school, usually if she was dating a particularly temperamental guy who wouldn't take well to waking up from a drunken sleep to find themselves alone in the apartment with Ryan. They might take it as Dawn asking them to babysit, something none of them were particularly keen on doing. The thermometer beeped, and Ryan's eyes opened slowly, his memories of the past fading like a bad dream.

"101.2, that's not that bad... Not great either, and you did take the Advil..." She glances at her clock, "It's been four hours, you could probably take something else, but I don't know if you should on an empty stomach."

Ryan shook his head, "I'm not that hungry..." He coughed again, tears springing to his eyes as the coughs, which were starting to sound like they might bring up phlegm.

"I'm sure you're not sweetie, but you need to eat something, get your strength back."

He shook his head, "I'm really not..."

Kirsten looked at him critically, "Is it your throat?"

Ryan nodded miserably, "It hurts to swallow,"

"Hmm..." She reached foward and felt his throat, "A little swollen, but not strep swollen..."

"It's just from coughing I think..." Ryan explained, his voice got raspier with every word. Kristen handed him the glass of water, he took a sip gratefully. "Thanks..." He said, his voice came back slightly stronger after the water.

"You're probably right, let me get you some cough syrup and an ice pop. Maybe after that you could handle some soup?"

An ice pop? No one ever offered him an ice pop when he had a sore throat before, but it sounded like heaven, but he had already put Kirsten out enough for one day. "No, I think I'll just get some more sleep," He said. Sleep was his usual method of recovery, and it usually worked. He would just sleep, and sweat and wait the fever out, and the coughing would eventually subside.

"You sure?" And then she added, as if she read his mind, "It's no trouble."

Ryan shook his head, he had long ago decided that whenever adults said that, it always meant that it was trouble. Why else would they bother pointing out that it wasn't? Like Theresa's mom offering him a ride home, even though it was out of her way, "It's no trouble." No, it was trouble, and he'd caused enough of it for one day. He decided he'd sleep for a few more hours, then get the ice pop and cough syrup himself. Kirsten probably had better things to do than take care of him, and he was more than capable of taking care of himself.

"Alright, but let me know if you change your mind." Kirsten said uncertaintly. She glanced around, as if looking for something else to do, but she must not have found anything, because shortly there after she left. Ryan wasn't sure if he was relieved or sad that she was gone.

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"You look like hell," A voice said, when Ryan made his way into the house two hours later. The need for some sort of pain relief had finally overwhelmed him, and he'd gotten, well stumbled, out of bed and into the kitchen.

"Thanks Seth..." Ryan managed to rasp out, as grabbed a bottle of water from the fridege then made a beel line for the cabinet where he had seen Kirsten get the Advil from before.

"Sound like it too..."

"Mmmph..." Ryan said, popping open the Advil bottle, fishing out three pills, and then taking a big swig from the bottle of water. He didn't dare wince in front of Seth, even though the large swallow hurt his throat.

"Mom said you weren't feeling well, I was gonna go out there but she said I should let you sleep." Ryan glanced at Seth, he looked like a puppy who wanted to be praised for not peeing on the living room rug.

"Thanks... Yeah, I wasn't." He still wasn't feeling well, but he didn't want to look like weakling in front of Seth, who seemed partially convinced that Ryan had some sort of super- powers just because he could kick a few guy's butts. It was easy when you were fighting kids who had never been in a real fight in their lives, they didn't know how to hit. They just swung blindly and hoped to connect with solid flesh. Ryan knew how to fight, he knew how to pick his punches and take his hits.

"Feeling better now?" Seth asked eagerly. "Maybe up for a little ninja action?" Seth made eyes at the video game controllers in the living room.

"Uhmm... Not right now." Just standing there talking was making Ryan feel light- headed and he groped his way to a stool and then sat down on it. His head seemed to have suddenly grown a hundred pounds heavier, and with a groan he let it drop to his arms on the table.

"Wow, you're really feeling like crap, huh?" Seth asked, both curious and slightly disappointed.

"Yeah," With effort, Ryan pulled his head up, sniffed through a head full of congestion, then coughed, "Sorry..."

Seth held up his hands, "Nothing to be sorry for man, as long as you don't get those nasty germs all over me."

Ryan managed a smile, "I heard something about ice pops?"

Seth grinned, "You heard right." He went to the fridge and pulled out a box, "What flavor? We got cherry... grape... orange..."

"Whatever's fine..." Ryan said. Seth pulled two pops out of the box and handed one to Ryan. The cool ice pop was heaven on his sore throat, Kirsten had been right.

"Think you're gonna be better in time for Cotillion?"

"Co-what-now?" Ryan asked.

"Cotillion, big party, dance, fancy outfits."

"Does this town ever not have a party?"

"Uhmmm..." Seth pretended to think for a moment, "No."

"So if I miss this one...?" Ryan assumed he would be better by then, but he didn't know if he wanted to be. Parties in a Newport tended to be a little "exciting."

"It'll be the end of the world." Seth finished, "This is like, the party."

"I thought Casino Night, was the party..." The ice pop was gone, Ryan was disappointed, and now his voice seemed to be gone with it.

"Au contraire my friend, you haven't seen Newport Party, until you've seen Cotillion."

"Can't wait," Ryan said, sliding off his stool, and ambling back towards the kitchen doors, "In that case... I guess I'd better rest up..."

"No kidding, Mom would kill you if she knew that you were up and walking around!" Seth said, looking sorry to see his new friend making an exit so shortly after finally appearing. Now that he had a friend, spending time alone seemed much less appealing.

Ryan felt bad leaving him, but he knew he wasn't going to manage to keep his eyes open much longer, and conversation was just a little too exhausting right now. Also, he wasn't really willing to find out whether or not Kirsten really would kill him for exiting his bed. He shuffled back to the pool house, and was asleep practically the moment his head hit the pillow.


	3. Chapter 3

"Have you seen Ryan?" Kirsten asked Seth, when she came into the kitchen, carrying a bag full of groceries- supplies for making chicken soup for Ryan.

Seth barely looked up from his video game, "Yeah, he came in here. Ate an ice pop. Left. He looked pretty miserable." Kirsten vaguely wondered why he would eat an ice pop with Seth but had refused one from her. Hearing his mother rustling around in the kitchen, Seth got curious enough to look up from his ninja battle. "Mom? What are you doing? It looks suspiciously like you might be planning to cook."

Kirsten nodded, "Well, I am."

"Cook what- exactly?" Seth asked warily.

"Chicken soup for Ryan,"

"Mom, please tell me that you at least bought cooked chicken. Ryan doesn't need salmonella poisoning on top of his cold."

"I can cook!" Kirsten said defensively. "I've made chicken soup for you at least a dozen times when you were sick."

"Maybe I should help you..." Seth said, pausing the video game and standing up. "Do you at least have a recipe?"

Kirsten shot him a look, "Of course, it's from Grandma Cohen."

"Really? Nana's recipe? Is that the soup you always bring me?"

"Yes," Kirsten said, as if the answer was obvious.

"Huh... I always thought it was store bought..." Seth said.

"I thought you were here to help..." Kirsten smirked.

"Right, what do you want me to do?" With a smile, Kirsten pulled a cutting board and large knife out of a drawer.

"You can chop the vegetables." Kirsten offered, handing him the carrots and celery.

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Ryan groaned and rolled over, glancing at the clock. It was almost four o'clock, and though he had done nothing but sleep all day, he didn't feel much better. His head and throat still hurt, his muscles ached, and he still hadn't stopped coughing and sneezing.

He was tired and bored of sleeping, and seeing as how it wasn't making him feel better, he decided to go and find Seth. Maybe after a few more Advil's he might feel up to playing a video game or something.

He got out of bed, pulled on his hoodie and went into the kitchen. "Oh hey Ryan," Seth looked up.

"Seth... Are you... cooking?" His voice was hardly above a whisper, as he stared at Seth who looked pleased with himself.

"Nana's recipe for chicken soup- also known as Jewish Penicillin."

"Oh..." Ryan said, sliding into a chair, and coughing. Kirsten, who had been stirring the pot, swooped down on him in an instant.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" Her hand automatically went to his forehead to feel for fever.

"Better." He lied.

"Hmm... I think your fever went down a little... Mind if I take your temperature?"

"Uhmm..." He wanted to refuse, he didn't like being treated like a baby in front of Seth, but the look on Kirsten's face told him that he didn't have a choice. Seth turned around, as if sensing Ryan's embarrassment. He could tell Ryan didn't like being coddled, at least publically. He turned around to finish cutting the partially cooked potatoes, as Kirsten stuck the thermometer in his mouth.

Ryan sat on the chair, feeling like a small child, as he looked up Kirsten, and then down at the floor, trying hard not to cough.

"One hundred and nine, well it went down a little, that's good." Kirsten said, when she pulled the thermometer out of his mouth. Ryan nodded. "Hopefully you'll be fine be fine in a few days."

Ryan nodded, he couldn't stand feeling like this much longer, and it had been less than a day.

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"Hey everyone," Sandy came into the kitchen, "Is that Nana's chicken soup I smell? Who's sick?" Sandy looked around at his seemingly healthy-looking family.

Kirsten put a finger to her lips and pointed to the den. Ryan was curled up on the corner of the couch, asleep, a blanket pulled up over his shoulders. Seth sat on the floor, still playing a video game with the sound turned off. "Ryan's not feeling well. He caught a bad cold," Kirsten explained.

"Ah, well that explains it." Sandy didn't lower his voice much and it woke up Ryan up from his light slumber. Seeing the dark blue eyes open, Sandy strolled over and placed a hand on Ryan's shoulder. "I hear you're feeling a little rough."

"Mm'better now." Ryan muttered. "Soup was good." He said, managing to smile.

"Feeling better now, huh? You don't sound too good."

"I think I sound worse than I feel..." Ryan stood up, embarassed that he had fallen asleep in front of everyone, but he must have stood up too fast, because the room started to spin, and he might have fallen, except Sandy saw him faulter and was there in an instant, and held him by the elbow, his hand on his back and helped him sit back down.

"You okay there kiddo?" He asked, his voice was gentle but concerned. Ryan felt his cheeks blush a deep red as everyone in the room stared him.

"Y-yeah... Just stood up to fast..."

"Maybe your temperature spiked," Kirsten said, "Can I take your temperature? Do you want to take some Advil?"

"Do you want a glass of water?" Sandy asked.

"Hey man, you okay?" Everyone was talking at once, it was overwhelming. His brain pounded against his skull.

"I'm fine." He said, a little too strongly, Kirsten looked at him alarmed and Sandy raised an eyebrow. "I think I'll just go lie down," Ryan said, pushing himself back up to his feet, relieved when he manged to stay there, and then he fled before anyone could stop him. The three Cohen's just stood there and stared at one another in his wake.

"Was it something we said?" Seth asked.

"I'll go check on him," Kirsten said, starting to the door.

"No... Give him a moment," Sandy said, putting a gentle hand on Kirsten's arm. "I think he just got overwhelmed by all the attention. If I had to guess, he's probably not used to being fussed over when he's sick."

"Oh... Right..." Kirsten said, looking sadly out towards the pool house, and wishing she could go out there and comfort the poor sick kid.

"I feel bad..." Seth said. "We were only trying to help."

"I know kiddo, I know..." Sandy patted his son on the shoulder.

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Ryan lay in bed, shivering and shaking. He was mortified by his behavior. The Cohen's were just trying to help him, he knew that, but it had just been too much, it had all be too much. It was so pitiful to be weak and pathetic like that. To have everyone fussing over him. Right now, he almost wished he was back in his bedroom in Chino, where he would be quietly ignored and left alone. Now of course, he had probably offended Kirsten and Sandy, probably Seth too. Maybe he should just leave. Pack up his stuff and go. But where would he go? And Kirsten might be mad. Sandy too. He had promised he would never run away again.

Maybe he should go apologize, say he was sorry, the he just got what- scared? No... He was no weakling. And besides, what would he even tell them to he was afraid of: "Hey guys, "I'm sorry I got scared before you were all worried about me?" It made no sense. So he would just stay here, and hopefully, the Cohen's would just leave him alone. Eventually, his tired body fell into a restless, feverish sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

When he woke up again, it was dark out and he was hot. The blankets that he burrowed himself into earlier when he had gone to bed shivering with cold, now seemed to be choking him, as they lay across him thick and heavy. He pushed them off, and lay back, but he still felt the sweat beading at his scalp. He coughed a few times, and struggled to sit up, remembering a little too late what Kirsten had said about sleeping fully reclined. His lungs were now full of congestion, he could feel the tightness across his chest. He coughed a few more times, but the coughs were utterly useless in bringing up whatever fluid had decided to settle in his chest. He wiped a hand through his hair, feeling his bangs slick with sweat. He looked hopefully to the bedside table, but was unsurprised to find it empty. After he had run away like that, he was sure even the Cohen's knew to back away. He sighed with regret. He could really use a glass of cold water just about now, his mouth felt hot and dry, and his throat was aching and raw after his coughing fit. He sneezed, and his brain seemed to rattle about in his skull, bringing fresh waves of pain. He realized it had been quite some time since he had taken any medicine. No wonder he was feeling the full brunt of this evil cold. He fell back against his pillows.

"Well, Atwood, this is what you deserve." A little voice inside his head told him, "The nice people wanted to take care of you, and you made out like you wanted nothing to do with them. Now look at you. Just pathetic." Ryan groaned and rolled over, hoping to block out the voice. "I'm in your head stupid, that's really not going to work." The voice told him.

"Just go away and let me sleep..." He said.

"No one's stopping you..." Ryan looked up, the voice had changed.

"Mom?" Dawn was sitting at the edge of his bed. "Mom- what are you doing here?"

"Kirsten called, she said you weren't feeling well."

"It's ten o'clock at night." He said, glancing at the clock, the red numbers danced in front of his eyes.

"I know... I came as soon as I heard. I came to take you home..."

"What? No... I-I... I don't want to go home."

"But Ryan, these people aren't your family. I'm your family."

"But you left me... And then... And now... They're my family. They signed... They're my legal guardians."

Dawn smiled, a little sadistically, "Ryan, you think a few signatures on paper mean anything? You don't even seem to want the Cohen's in your life. Look how you just pushed them away."

"No... It's not true... I just... It was too much... It was all too much..."

"Ryan? Sweetie, can you hear me?" A new voice, soft and gentle, but urgent, a hand on his shoulder. "Come on... Wake up..."

"K-Kirsten?" Ryan opened his eyes, then sat upright, looking around. "I-Is she gone?"

"Is who gone?" Kirsten asked, in the dim light Ryan could see her looking at him intently.

"D-Dawn... Mom... She was... Oh... It was a dream..." He sank back, feeling oddly relieved, but he started to cough again.

When the coughing finally subsided, Kirtsten leaned foward and put a cool palm against Ryan's sweaty hot forehead, and frowned "I think your fever's gone up."

"I'm sorry about earlier..." Ryan said, even in the dim light Kirsten could see that his eyes were glassy and his cheeks were flushed, "I didn't mean to run away... I just..." He traileld off with another series of painful sounding coughs. These hurt his chest and throat so badly that tears actually sprang into his etes.

"Shh... It's okay..." Kirsten rubbed his band until the coughing stopped and then planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. "I was worried, you haven't taken any medicine in awhile, but when I came to check on you before, you were sleeping." She had checked on him every twenty minutes for the last two hours in fact, only waking him when she heard muttering delieriously in his sleep. She stood up, ready to get the thermometer and possibly make preperations to get Ryan to the hospital if his fever had spiked too much.

"W-Where are you going?" Ryan's voice betrayed his sudden fear of her leaving him there alone, in that hot room.

"I'll be right back, it's okay sweetie..." She promised, and Ryan believed her.

********************************************************************

"How's Ryan?" Sandy asked when Kirsten reappeared in the house, she was frowning, so Sandy figured he already knew the answer.

"His fever's gone up... Quit a bit I think..." She grabbed a large bowl, then the thermometer, a bottle of water, cough syrup, and the Advil and trooped back out to the pool house before Sandy could ask any more questions.

"Ryan?" She asked, tentatively. He'd been asleep the first time she had come out to check on him, and he might have fallen back to sleep, but he was there, feverish eyes wide and staring.

"Still here..." He said softly.

"Good," Kirsten said. "I'm just going to take your temperature really quick, okay?"

"Sure..." Ryan said, obediatantly letting Kirsten stick the thermometer in his mouth. As she waited to get a reading, she went to the bathroom grabbed a washcloth and filled the bowl she had brought with her with cool water. The thermometer beeped as she came back to Ryan's bedside. She put the water down, as Ryan eyed it ominiously.

"One oh four... That's not good..." She said, but though it was high, it wasn't dangerous, especially if it would come down, "Let's see if we can get it down a little, okay?" Ryan nodded, watching silently as she folded the washcloth, then wet it, then placed it on Ryan's forehead. At the first touch of the cool washcloth, Ryan winced, then relaxed. It felt good. "Okay, take these too," She handed him two Advils and the bottle of water, and he took a drink and swallowed them. "Feel a little better?" She asked.

"Mmhmm..." Ryan muttered sleepily. "Feels good..." Then he started to cough, and then let out a slight groan of pain. The coughing was the worst part of this sickness, because it just seemed to remind his body to send fresh pain signals from his muscles, head and throat to his nerves.

"I brought some cough syrup out here for you." She poured out a spoonful and fed it to Ryan like he was a young child. He accepted it, but then he suddenly tensed.

"You don't have to do all of this..." He said, sitting up, taking the washcloth off his forehead. "It's late and I can take care of myself." He looked uncomfortable, and he wasn't meeting her eye. "I don't want to be a burden..."

Sighing, Kirsten sat back down next to Ryan, "Ryan, stop... Lie back down." he lay back down, as she fluffed the pillow to keep his body at a slight angle. Then she took the washcloth from his hands, re-dunked it in the water, wrung it out slightly, and put it back across Ryan's forehead. "You're my son. It's my job to take care of you. You're not a burden, or anything like that alright? You're just my son, and you're sick. So until you are well I am going to take care of you. You got that?" Ryan nodded, silently, "Good..." Kirsten said, smiling a little as Ryan reluctantly accepted her ministrations.

"Thanks..." He said, his eyes closing. He was asleep within minutes.

********************************************************************

"How's he doing?" Sandy was still awake when Kirsten came back into the house.

"He's asleep, but his fever was pretty high. 104 before he took anything, and when I left it was at 103. Do you think I should take him to the hospital? Seth's never had a fever that high..."

"I think you should let him get a good night's rest," Sandy stood and kissed Kirsten's forehead, "And he'll probably be a lot better in the morning. And if he's not, then you can take him to the doctor."

"Alright..." Kirsten said reluctantly.

"Now come on up to bed..."

"I feel bad leaving him all alone out there..."

"He's sleeping Kirsten, he needs to sleep. Just let him rest, alright?"

"He didn't want me taking care of him... He didn't want to be a burden. I don't think anyone's ever taken care of him when he was sick before." Kirsten said sadly.

"Well, he's got us now." Sandy said, and led his wife up to bed.

"Do you think maybe I should..." She pulled back towards the pool house.

"You should get some rest, and let him get some sleep." Sandy said, and finally managed to get his wife into bed.


	5. Chapter 5

Ryan was surprised by happy when he awoke the next morning and realized he had successfuly slept through the night after Kirsten's gentle attention to him. Of course, the headache was still there when he sat up and looked at the clock, and his head still felt full of congestion, but on the whole he felt much better. Of course, being hit with a sledgehammer would have felt preferable to his state yesterday. As he swung his legs around and stood up, a slight wave of dizziness passed briefly over him, but he shook it off as he downed to Advils and made his way into the kitchen.

"Hey kiddo, how you feeling?" Sandy's voice and a toothy grinned assaulted him as soon as he walked into the kitchen. He was surprised by how tired he felt after even the brief walk over here, but he was determined not to let it show.

"Bedder..." He said, then flushed when his voice came out thick with congestion. It made him sound like a child. He cleared his throat, and blew his nose, then tried again, "Better." He said.

"Yeah? Good," Sandy smiled, "We were worried about you,"

Ryan's flushed darked, "Thanks..." He stared down at the floor. He was still embarrassed by all this attention, depsite what Kirsten had told him last night. "Where is-?"

"Kirsten? She had a meeting early this morning, so I told her I'd stick around here this morning. See how you were feeling. Looks like you're feeling better if you made it all the way into the house." Sandy smiled.

"Yeah," Ryan said, his legs were starting to feel rubbery from standing, and he fought to keep from coughing ashe slid onto a chair, trying to make it look like he was sitting and not collapsing. The kitchen felt warm, and felt like he might break into a sweat.

"Kirsten said I needed to be sure to take your temperature, and if it's still above 102, we need to call the doctor."

"Okay," Ryan nodded, fervently praying that the fever had gone down and that he wouldn't have to go to the doctor. He hated the doctor, all those questions...

As Sandy neared him with the thermometer, his cell phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID, "Shoot, I have to take this... Can I trust you to do this yourself?" Sandy asked.

Ryan shrugged, "Sure," and took the thermometer from Sandy's outstretched hand as Sandy answered the phone then departed from the kitchen towards his office to look up a client's file. Ryan stuck the thermometer under his tongue, and watched with trepidation as the numbers started to climb. When they reached 102 and then still kept climbing, Ryan pulled it out and reset it, and stuck it back under his tongue. Sandy came back into the room, still distracted and talking on the phone. Ryan, saw the numbers flash to a little over a 100 and pulled it out of his mouth, and handed it to Sandy, who took a look, smiled and nodded, ruffled Ryan's hair then departed again. Ryan breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that if it had been Kirsten, his ploy never would have worked.

He glanced over at the fridge and briefly debated getting something to eat, but his stomach rolled with disinterest, and he decided not to take any risks. He coughed twice more, then sneezed. The sneeze rattled his brain, and he decided that he had spent enough time up and about. He stood up, and shuffled back to the pool house. He had made his appearance, convinced Sandy that he was feeling better, and now he was ready to go back to bed. He took a swig of cough syrup and lay down, as a few more coughs forced their way out of his lungs.

"Hey man," Seth bounced into his room, his loud voice and the light behind him made Ryan's brain ache.

"Hey," Ryan said, struggling to sit up and look attentive. If he didn't respond well enough, he knew Seth might alert Sandy to his ploy.

"Dad said you were feeling better- up for a little kara-te!" He said, grinning and holding up the machine.

"Sure..." Ryan said, groaning inwardly. Bright flashes of light probably would not help his headache, but enduring a few hours of that seemed largely preferable to being dragged off to the doctor.

Seth went about attaching the machine to the television, as Ryan watched from his bed, until he waved the plugged in controller and Ryan crawled down onto the floor, taking the blanket with him, to wrap around his shoulders. The heat wave seemed to have passed, and he felt a round of chills coming on. If Seth noticed, he didn't say anything.

The game went badly. Ryan's coughing and sneezing kept interrupting his playing, which wasn't very good to begin with. His eyes felt tired and he was having trouble focusing them on the bright screen, which made him squint against his headache. Finally Seth paused the game and looked over at his bedraggled friend. "Do you want to just, watch a movie or something?"

Ryan nodded gratefully, "Yeah... That might be better..."

"Plus you'll stop getting your nasty germs all over my controller. I swear, the way you keep sneezing like that I'm suprised your ninja didn't catch your cold."

"Aren't you worried about getting sick?" Ryan asked, as he picked himself up off the floor, and pulled the blanket more tightly around himself.

Seth shrugged, "No little germ is going to get past the impenitrable fotress of vitamin-C Seth. Just don't cough in my mouth."

"That's gross Seth..." Ryan followed Seth into the living room, and settled himself onto the couch, grateful for the warmth of his blanket. Ryan didn't even get through the opening credits of the movie, before he fell back to sleep.

"Hey Seth- do you think you could keep an eye on Ryan? My court date just got moved up and if I'm not there, I think there gonna lock up this kid and throw away the key."

"Sure Dad," Seth said, looking at Ryan's sleeping form, "I think I can handle him."

"Good," Sandy said, grabbing up his keys before racing out the door- off to save some other troubled youth. Then he paused, and came back, and ran a hand briefly over Ryan's hot forehead. His temperature felt a lot higher than the thermometer had indicated. He wondered if maybe he should take it again, but he felt bad waking the sick kid. "When he wakes up, make sure you take his temperature," he whispered to Seth.

"What?" Are you kidding? He'll kick my butt!" Seth protested in a whisper.

"Just do it..." Sandy said, his tone was a warning.

"Fine... But he's not going to like it."

"What won-I like?" Ryan stirred back into consciousness.

"Nothing..." Sandy said, patting him on the shoulder, "I'm going into the office for a few hours... Seth's gonna keep an eye on you."

"M'fine... Don't need a babysitter..." Ryan muttered sleepily.

"You heard the man- he doesn't need-" Sandy glared and Seth stopped speaking.

"If you need anything, call me." He told them sternly, then marched off towards the car. Trying to quell the feeling of slight unease in his stomach, and told himself everything was going to be fine.


	6. Chapter 6

Kirsten was feeling anxious. This meeting, which had started at 9am was supposed to have been over hours ago. She knew Sandy was home with the boys, and everything was probably fine, but still... Ryan had been so ill last night, she hadn't wanted to leave him, but this meeting was too important. And, she reminded herself, Ryan was not a child, not really, and he wasn't alone. Seth and Sandy were both home with him. Still, it was a relief when the pen went down on paper and she could finally escape. She went out into the hallway and turned on her cell phone. She listened, her face growing darker, at the message from Sandy. He had to get to court, and had left Ryan alone. Of course, the message reassured that everything was fine, but still.

She said her good byes as quickly as possible, without being rude, then made a bee line for the car, and sped downt he highway for home.

The house was quiet when she got there. Almost too quiet. Her heart raced as she made her way out to the pool house. It was empty. Even the blanket was gone. Her heart raced faster, she made her way back to the house, slamming the door behind her, then raced up to Seth's bedroom. It was empty. She could feel her heart slamming against her rib cage. Where were they? She ran back downstairs, and then stood in the kitchen a moment. Where could they be? Would they have gone somewhere?

"Mom?" Seth's voice reached her. He was sitting in front of the television in the living room, reading a comic book. Ryan was asleep on the couch, curled up under his comforter.

"Oh thank god..."

"Wow Mom, what's gotten into you?" Seth asked, looking bewildered, Ryan stirred sleepily on the couch. His eyes opening slowly.

"Hey Kirsten..." He muttered, then his eyes closed again.

"Hey Ryan... how are you feeling?"

"Fine..." He muttered, she went to him and put a cool hand against his forehead.

"You're fever feels pretty high." She said, frowning.

"Sandy took my temp... It was only a hundred..." Ryan muttered sleepily, then he coughed harshly, his body wrenching away from Kirsten's soft palm. "I'm fine..." He said, as sooning as the coughing stopped, "It's just... Hot, under this blanket..." He said, trying to keep his voice low, and keep the panic and congestion out of it.

"Well... I think I'm going to make you a doctor's appointment anyway. I don't like the sound of that cough..."

"S'fine... Please, I just wanna get some rest..."

"Alright..." Kirsten backed away, she didn't want to push Ryan too hard. Seth was watching the two of them uneasily.

"Hey man... Dr. Sherman's pretty awesome... He has lollipops." Seth felt like maybe he should help his mother, but he instantly regretted the words when Ryan turned and glared at him.

His mother also gave him a look, and Seth took it as a cue, "You know... I just remembered... I left a video game upstairs... I'm going to go. And get it." Seth made a hasty departure. He was glad to go, there was something kind of weird about watching tough-guy Ryan being fussed over by his mother like he was a five- year old.

As soon as he was gone, Kirsten let her palm rest back on Ryan's hot, dry forehead, "When was the last time you took anything?" She asked softly.

"Like three hours ago..." Ryan said, glancing at his watch. Even the movement of just lifting his arm looked like it took a lot of effort.

"When was the last time you took your temperature?"

Ryan shrugged, "Sandy did it this morning. It was low."

"Well... I think it went back up."

"Really?" Ryan said, "Because I feel a lot better," Kirsten's heart broke as she watched Ryan struggle into an upright position. From the way he was squinting at her, he probably had a headache. And there was no way his fever had gone down.

"Have you eaten anything today?" She tried a different tactic.

He nodded, "Leftover soup,"

"Do you mind if I take your temperature again?"

"Well... I mean... I was just gonna go back to the pool house and take a nap," He said, getting to his feet. Whatever wall had fallen down yesterday and last night that had allowed him to let her to take care of him, was back up, and reinforced. She felt herself wince inwardly, as he shivered slightly once he was out of blankets before he pulled them back over himself.

"Well... I'll meet you out there." She said, she was not going to let anything, including this Atwood streak of stubborness or independence, stop her. The kid needed her, she could tell. Even if he wouldn't admit it.

******************************************

Ryan barely made it back onto the bed, before his body gave out with a series of wracking coughs. The coughs awoke the demon in his brain that was clawing the sides of his skull, and he lay down and shut his eyes tightly, pulled the blanket over his head, and clenched his body tightly to stop it from shivering. He couldn't remember ever being this sick. His mind, though stuffy, still managed to make some strides in analyzing his condition. He was sick. He had gone running. He had gotten stuck in the downpour. That must have made the cold that had been coming that morning worse. And then today, pushing himself like that to try and fake wellness in front of the family. He should have just stayed in bed, but no, he had to go and act like everything was just fine, and now his body was reminding him that it had not been up to that sort of treatment. And now, to top it all off, Kirsten was on her way in here.

He still felt ashamed about the night before. The way she had been there, coddling and caring for him. Like he was some kind of invalid or child. He didn't want... No... He didn't need her to take care of him like that. He was an adult, he knew how to take care of himself, and he was going to prove it.

He climbed out from under the blankets, risking the cold air and headed toward the shower, popping two more Advil on his way over. As he turned on the shower, and stripped down, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. Well, no wonder Kirsten was all over him like that. He looked terrible. His face was pale, his hair was greasy and stuck out in every direction, and there were deep dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't slept in days.

Ryan pulled himself away from staring at his ghost into the mirror, and stepped gladly into the warm shower water. The cold bathroom air had been starting to get to him. As he stepped in, he felt certain that he heard the pool door open and heard Kirsten calling his name. She must have heard the shower because moments later, Ryan heard the pool door close. He breathed a sigh of relief, which then brought on another fit of coughing, but well, at least Kirsten wasn't around to hear it.

He showered as quickly as he could, but soon the water began to feel unbareably hot, and then too cold. Giving up the pool house plumbing, he climbed out of the shower, and wandered out. He grabbed a clean pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt and then lay down. Well, even if he felt no better, at least now he was clean, and warm. A little too warm. He kicked off most of the blankets and just lay under the sheets. The exchertion of taking the shower must have been too much, because he was asleep almost instantly.

**************************************************

"Oh Ryan..." A soft voice was saying. Ryan was lost. In an igloo. It was really cold. And the eight foot penguin was wearing a pink bowtie, and trying to get him to take a seat at the diner. Diner? Hadn't he been in an igloo. As he tried to string together bits of his fragmented dreams, he felt himself being gently pulled back into conciousness. "Come on Ryan... wake up..."

"K-Kirsten?" He said. stumbling over his words, as he teeth chattered. He was lying in bed, looking up at her.

"Hey," She said, smiling sadly, and pulling something heavy on top of him, "you know, when you're sick, it's not a good idea to go to bed with wet hair and not enough blankets."

"It was really hot..." Ryan muttered defensively, as Kirsten passed a hand over his face.

"You're burning up..." She said, brandishing a thermometer. Ryan felt his stomach sinking. The charade had failed, and now he was trapped, because there was no way he was getting out of this warm bed. The outside air was freezing. Also, he was pretty sure Kirsten had tucked him in so tightly he wouldn't be able to get free for a week. "Open up..." He didn't bother protesting, just opened his mouth, and then closed his eyes. He felt Kirsten put her hand against his forehead. The sensation felt good, but all too soon, the hand pulled away as the thermometer beeped. "104.5... I'm calling Dr. Sherman." Kirsten said, standing up. "Don't go anywhere." She said.

"Can't I just take some Advil see if it goes down?" Ryan protested, struggling upright against the tightly tucked in blankets, he coughed as he struggled. He realized he must make quite the pathetic spectactle.

"Didn't you just?" She motioned at the bottle of Advil next to his bed. He hadn't even put the cap back on.

"Yeah..." He admitted.

"Alright, I'm calling Dr. Sherman." She already had the portable out. She must have brought it out here. She dialed the number. "Yes, hi, this is Kirsten Cohen, is Dr. Sherman available?" She paused, listening, "Well, my son is sick, and I just wanted to see if there were any afternoon appointments." Another pause. "No... Not Seth... Ryan. He doesn't have a record with you. We adopted him... No, he's 16... Well, he's got a high fever and a cough.... How high? It's over 104 degrees... Yes, I thought that too, but.... Yes... I'll hold." There was a long pause, then, "Yes this is Kirsten, oh hi Dr. Sherman, how are you? Yes my son... No not Seth... Well, I was wondering if I could bring him in to see you or if you thought I should..." She glanced back at Ryan, then stepped outside the pool house.

Ryan immediately decided that that was unnacceptable, this was his health they were talking about! He fought off the blankets, and a wave of dizziness, and stumbled out of his bed and towards the door. He had just about reached it when it opened again, and Kirsten came back in, still on the phone "-Hold on let me ask-" Then she spotted Ryan, "What are you doing out of bed?"

"I wanted to hear..." He mumbled, wondering now why he had bothered.

"Back into bed-" She hissed, "Sorry about that Dr. Sherman, he's not the most cooperative of patients... Ryan, can you give me a list of your symptoms?"

"Huh?" He said, as he crawled back into bed, the dizziness was making moving foward very hard. If it got any worse, he would be actually crawling.

"Besides the fever and the coughing?" She prodded gently.

"Oh... Dizzy, I guess? And... headache."

"He's dizzy and he has a headache... And I think he's a little disoriented... Well, no I don't think he'll like it, but if you think... Right, of course. Thank you Dr. Sherman." She hung up the phone.

"So I have to go to the Doctor?" Ryan groaned inwardly.

"No... He thinks you need to go to the hospital."


	7. Chapter 7

Seth looked up in confusion as Kirsten hustled Ryan into the house. Ryan immediately saught refuge in a kitchen chair as Kirsten ran off into another part of the house. "What's going on man?" Seth asked, looking to Ryan for answers. Ryan just sat in his chair, staring off into space. "Ryan- yoo hoo!" He got up and waved his hand in front of Ryan's face.

"Wha- huh?" Ryan looked around hazily.

"You alright man?" It was a stupid question. Clearly something was very wrong with his foster brother.

"M'fine..." Ryan mumbled. "But Kirsten's taking me to the doctor." Somehow, even when he felt like he might be on death's door step, Ryan felt like he somehow needed to protect Seth. Kirsten reappeared in the kitchen like a whirlwind, clutching a manilla folder, her jacket draped over her arm.

"Okay, Ryan, ready to go?"

"Yeah..." Ryan said, slowly pushing himself to his feet.

"Alright Seth we're..."

"Going to the doctor? Yeah, Ryan just told me." Ryan shot a pleading look at Kirsten, which she seemed to catch.

"Right, we'll be back in a few hours. I called your father and left a message. We should be back before he gets home anyway... If he's in court." She glanced at her watch. Ryan had made it to his feet and was shuffling towards the door.

"Feel better," Seth called back to him.

Ryan gave him a half- hearted wave before dissolving into another coughing fit. Kirsten rubbed his back as she guided him towards the door.

As the door closed behind them, the defeaning silence seemed to pound in Seth's ears for a moment. He sat down and turned on his video game, hoping to make the anxious pounding in his chest subside.

***************************************************

"Come on Ry- wake up..." Kirsten was gently shaking Ryan awake. He had leaned his hot forehead against the cool window and fallen asleep almost the moment they left the driveway, even the racking coughs didn't seem to penetrate his coma-like sleep.

"Do we have to do this?" His voice was hoarse. Kirsten winced when she heard it.

"Sorry Ryan,"

"But I feel better..." He tried, before coughing again and letting out a slight moan of pain.

"Somehow I don't believe you..." She said, gently brushing his hair off his forehead. She climbed out of the car, and watched as Ryan made no move to do the same. "Ryan... If you don't get out of the car, I'll just send someone out here to get you. With a wheelchair." She felt bad being strict with the sick teen, but she knew he needed medical attention, and the sooner the better, and it worked.

Ryan opened the car and slid out. Kirsten walked with him into the ER, arm draped protectively over him, as he continued to cough viciously, practically doubled over with the effort. Once inside, she got him settled on a chair, and then went to go check him in. In the cool air-conditioning of the waiting room, Ryan started to shiver violently. She took off her coat and draped it over him, knowing that if Ryan were in better shape, he probably would have protested violently.

"Hi, I'm checking in." Kirsten said, as she came to the front.

"Fill this out." Said the attendant, barely looking up as she handed over the clipboard full of paperwork.

"How soon can we see a doctor?" Kirsten asked, glancing anxiously back towards Ryan.

"Can't tell you that m'am." The woman was concentrated on her computer screen.

"Please... He's really sick..."

The woman finally looked up, "And the sooner you fill out that paperwork, the sooner a doctor will see you. So now please."

With a resigned sigh, Kirsten went and sat back down, pulling out the manilla folder she had grabbed. Sandy had made up this file for her, it containted an abbreviated version of Ryan's medical records. Sandy had made up the folder for her, in case of an emergency like this one. Kirsten was embarassed to admit that she didn't even know his social security number, much less whether or not he had any allergies. Sandy had refused to let her see Ryan's full medical folder. He said there was stuff in there Ryan might not want her to read, but didn't elaborate.

Next to her, Ryan seemed to have fallen asleep again. His body leaned slightly, and with a gently hand, Kirsten guided his head to her shoulder.

"So hot..." Ryan murmered.

"I know... I know..." She said gently.

"Hate hospitals..."

"It's going to be okay..." She reassured him.

"Never good when I'm here..."

"It's alright Ryan," She told him gently.

"Why's it so hot?" He mumbled again.

"We'll see a doctor soon, see what they can do about that..."

"It'll be hours..." Ryan said, "Need to be... bleeding... 'Fore they'll see you quickly..." He sat up, and looked around blearily. "Broke my arm once... Had to wait... Forever."

"Well, I'm sure it will be better this time." HOAG was known for their well-staffed ER department, and for their lack of real emergencies. Kirsten was certain that Ryan was probably the most chronic patient they had right now, as she glanced around the mostly empty waiting room.

Ryan coughed again, hand over his mouth, when he pulled it away, he stared at it with a mixture of revulsion, horror and morbid interest, "Maybe they'll see me now..." Kirsten glanced over, and felt panic set in. Ryan's palm was flecked with blood.


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N: I get a little graphic. READER BEWARE_**

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Kirsten was instantly on her feet and dragged Ryan with her, she handed him a tissue from her purse as she pulled him up to the window. There was a line now. An elderly couple were in front of her, hounding the receptionist with questions. Ryan was so pale, Kirsten was worried he might faint any moment.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered, as they stood there. He was shaking. Kirsten wasn't sure if it was fear or his illness.

"Ryan... Shhh... It's okay." Finally the elderly couple moved away, and Kirsten came forward, thrusting the half-finished paperwork back at the attendant.

"You haven't filled out..." The attendant started, but Kirsten interrupted her.

"Please, my son is coughing up blood. He needs a doctor now!"

The woman looked back and forth between the stressed out looking woman and the teenage boy who was swaying on his feet and didn't look like he would be able to stand for much longer. She paged a doctor. Kirsten was standing there, anxiously waiting as the doctor was paged, holding Ryan's hot body to her own, when suddenly the body went limp and Ryan collapsed onto the floor.

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Everyone was moving so fast. Bright lights. Questions. He heard himself trying to formulate responses, but every thing was moving too fast, and people were out of focus. He was glad he was lying down now. He was lying down right? He didn't remember lying down... He felt someone squeeze his hand.

"Kirsten?" He said weakly. There was no response. Not from Kirsten. Other voices were talking. To him? He wasn't sure.

"Ryan? Ryan can you here me? Stay with us okay, buddy?"

"Yeah, M'here..." He muttered to the disembodied voice. A face came into view. Gray eyes hovering over him, then a light flashed over him. Numbers were called out. He felt something prick his hand. Then there was an mask being lifted over his face. A mask? They were trying to put him to sleep. He didn't want to go to sleep. He wanted Kirsten. She would tell them not to do that.

"Patient's becoming combative..." A voice said.

"Ryan sweetie, calm down... They're trying to help you." Kirsten... She was there. He stopped struggling, besides... Fighting was too much effort.

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**_A/N: GRAPHIC CONTENT AHEAD:_**

Kirsten paced back and forth outside of the hospital room where they had taken Ryan to give him an ice bath to try and lower his fever that was frying his brain. They had given him something too to stop the coughing. Then they would do a X-ray to try and assess the damage in his lungs followed by a few tests for lung function.

They told her that the bleeding was probably the least of Ryan's problems, as horrific as it was to see her son's lips stained with blood. Judging from the chest sounds, it was only a minor bleed, he had probably just ruptured a blood vessel from all his coughing, but the x-rays and then possibly a CT scan would tell them more. Unfortunately, until they brought down his fever, there would be nothing they could do.

Kirsten had been invited inside the room where they were giving Ryan his ice bath, but Kirsten didn't think that he'd appreciate her seeing him "unclothed" once he had recovered. Also they had given him some sort of light sedative to help with the coughing, and Kirsten guessed, the struggling.

Finally, the doctor's reappeared with Ryan, on a stretcher, his upper body slightly raised. His eyes were closed, he looked like he was sleeping, but when Kirsten gently brushed the inside of his wrist, his eyes slowly opened. "Hey... Welcome back..." she said, when he looked up at her with recognition in his eyes. They had replaced the oxygen mask with a tiny nose one.

"Thanks..."

"How are you feeling?" Ryan shrugged as well as he could in his position, lying against the gurney. He was wearing a hospital gown now. Kirsten wondered what they had done with his clothing.

"His temperature's down to 103." A doctor or a nurse or maybe an attendent informed her, "but we need to get moving on these tests. Figure out what's wrong so we can make sure it stays there."

"Right..." Kirsten said, stepping away from the bed so they could keep moving, but she could see Ryan's eyes watching her as he was moved away from her.

*********************************************************************

It seemed like hours. Days. Until Ryan was finally returned to her. She had been shown to a small curtained off area in the ER area, and told to wait, until finally the bed with Ryan on it reappeared. A nurse was with them, she took a quick read off the monitors, took his temperature, injected something into his IV and then left after assuring them that the doctor would be with them shortly. At least he was finally allowed to sit upright. In fact, it was declared that he was not allowed to recline. He had oxygen in his nose, and another tube in there as well, and Kirsten assume it was for extra oxygen.

"How are you feeling?" Kirsten asked gently, taking Ryan's hand.

"Crap." He said, honestly, his voice was hoarse and painful to listen to. The pain of speaking had to be even worse. Another nurse appeared, holding a bucket of ice chips.

"Hungry?" She grinned, placing the bowl on the swiveling table near where the bed was parked. Ryan eyed the bowl suspiciously. "They'll feel good to suck on," She said, smiling.

Kirsten shrugged, picked up the spoon, and pulled out an ice chip, and offered it to Ryan, "Wanna try one?"

"I can do it..." He said, his pale face flushing slightly, as the nurse and Kirsten watched him.

"Alright tough guy," The nurse winked, as Kirsten handed over the spoon. Ryan had lost his appetite for ice chips. He let his arm drop to his side, and did his best Atwood glare at the perky nurse. Under normal stances he might have found her cute, right now, he just found her annoying. She seemed to take the hint, because she told him to use the call button if he needed anything and then disappeared.

Kirsten gently took the spoon from Ryan's limp grasp and offered him another ice chip. This time Ryan accepted it, without fighting, but he was still glaring. And it did make his throat feel better, it felt like someone had gone up against it with a sandblaster. He sucked on the chip for awhile, until it was gone. Talking hurt to much, so Ryan decided to just give in to his based instincts and just opened his mouth slightly to indicate he wanted another one. It was humiliating, and his face burned as he did it. Tears pricked at his eyes. This situation was just so... But he was too tired to fight, and it did hurt a lot to talk, and Kirsten acted like it wasn't bothering her one bit to have Ryan, lying there helplessly, like some baby bird, opening his mouth when he wanted food.

He was on his sixth ice chip, when the doctor appeared. "Hi Mr. Atwood, I'm Dr. Perterson." He held out his hand for Ryan to shake. With as much energy as he could muster he lifted his arm to shake the big, blond doctor's hand. "Mrs. Atwood,"

"Oh, I'm Kirsten Cohen," She said, but she shook his hand.

"Alright, Mrs. Cohen."

"Call me Kirsten," She said smiling, as she moved her chair closer to Ryan, her hand unconsciously running up and down Ryan's arm to sooth him in case the doctor's news was less than good.

"Well, you can call me Dr. Josh," The doctor smiled, then looked down at his charts, "Well Ryan, you gave us quite a scare. That was some fever. Fortunately it looks like we got it down in time, doesn't seem to be any permanent damage up here," He pointed to his head. Ryan thought he looked like a clown leading a game of simon's says, with his big lopsided grin. "We've got you on antibiotics now, which should keep your fever down. So, that's the good news." He smiled again.

"Bad news?" Ryan croaked. He knew there had to be bad news.

"Well kid, it looks like you got quite a bit of congestion in those lungs of yours. We're going to have to let that clear out a bit more," He motioned to the tube going in Ryan's nose. Ryan felt a wave of revulsion as he thought about what was now being sucked out of his damaged lungs. He glanced at Kirsten to see if she felt like he did, but she was nodding her head and looking attentively up at the doctor. Her hand had found Ryan's and she squeezed gently.

**A/N: GRAPHIC CONTENT OVER- you can open your eyes now**

"Can't...home?" Ryan asked, he was sure he had said the word go, but came out without a sound.

"Not yet, sorry. I think we're going to have to keep you overnight for observation. You did come in here coughing up blood," The doctor said, as if Ryan needed a reminder. Of course, a part of him had been trying to pretend that the blood he had seen had all been a part of his feverish brain playing tricks on him. Like the penguin that had helped him into the ice bath. It was still wearing it's stupid pink bow tie. He really hoped he hadn't addressed the penguin out loud, but he was afraid he might have.

"So, what happened?" Kirsten asked, they were treating him, but for what?

"Pnemonia, pure and simple. Probably been brewing for awhile, maybe you had the flu?" The doctor suggest, "Bronchitis?"

"Was fine..." Ryan managed.

"He only got sick two days ago!" Kirsten burst out, "Yesterday!" She felt like a terrible mother after she let Ryan go downhill so fast. Why hadn't she been paying closer attention?

The doctor shrugged, "Well, I'm a little surprised it got so bad so fast, but it can happen... Are you a smoker Ryan?" The doctor asked.

Ryan avoided meeting Kirsten's eyes, "Quit..." He said.

"Well, better sooner than later, but pnemonia is fairly common with patients who smoke..." He eyed Ryan. Wondering if the kid was telling the truth about quitting. He had seen the cehst x-rays, the kid looked like he had been going through at least a pack or two a day for quite a few years. An addiction like that wasn't so easily kicked. His mother was looking at the kid intently and slightly surprised, like she had no idea he smoked.

"Mrs. Cohen..." He decided to revert to a more formal address for this next question, "Can I see you outside for just a moment?"

"Okay..." She glanced at Ryan, who looked suddenly panicked.

"I'll only be a minute," The panic didn't leave his face. Once beyond the curtain, Dr. Peterson moved them down the hallway, and out of Ryan's earshot.

"Mrs. Cohen... I'm sorry to ask... and Ryan's not in any sort of shape to be asking a lot of questions... But I think you should be concerned about your son's smoking habit."

"He said he quit," Dr. Peterson had to be careful, he didn't want to break doctor-patient confidentiality, but he also believed that in the case of a minor, if there was something this wrong, a parent needed to know. Especially these OC parents who seemed so clueless about the sort of trouble their kids got into.

"Yes... But... His lungs... The damage is pretty severe. In my experience, it is very difficult for heavy smokers to quit." Kirsten's mind instantly flashed to Dawn.

"What about second hand smoke?"

"Are you a smoker?" He looked at Kirsten's perfect skin, not the skin of smoker who smoked often enough to give off the kind of smoke that had devastated that boys lungs.

"No... But..." She paused, "His mother is,"

"Oh." The doctor looked confused.

"I'm his legal guardian." Kirsten explained. "His mother was a fairly heavy smoker. Is it possible...?"

"Yes, I'd say it's quite possible." Dr. Peterson nodded gravely. "If he's been exposed to second hand smoke in a confined space for years... Well..." Kirsten suddenly imagined Dawn in the car with Ryan, windows rolled up to keep in the AC, smoking a cigarette. The smoke-choked air entering Ryan's developing lungs.

"Well... Then I think we've found our culprit." Dr. Peterson put a gentle hand on her arm. "I'm sorry I doubted you... And Ryan."

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**A/N: Okay, I swear I didn't mean to turn this into an anti-smoking rant, but well, I felt like I needed to justify Ryan's severe pnemonia after not enough days of being sick. I don't even know if the events I described are possible, I'm not a medical professional. But I am an ex-smoker.**


	9. Chapter 9

As they walked back to Ryan's small curtained off room, Kirsten braced herself for the Atwood glare, but as they rounded the corner and Dr. Peterson pulled back the curtain, Ryan was asleep.

Kirsten raised an eye brow at the doctor, "We gave him a mild sedative, something to help with the pain and let him sleep. His body needs rest."

"Is he in a lot of pain?" Kirsten asked, as she approached the bed, Ryan seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

"Not right now, no, but he probably will be over the next few days. The damage in his lungs is… extensive. The coughing seriously aggravated his condition as well. The lining is very inflamed. It will probably be weeks before his lungs are at their full capacity again."

"I still don't understand… I thought he just had a cold…" Kirsten said, gently brushing his soft blond bangs off his forehead. "I'm so sorry Ryan…" She whispered. She was relieved at how much cooler his head felt beneath her hand. Still warm, but noticeably cooler than it had been.

"It's really not your fault," Dr. Danielson reminded her, "It's the lung damage combined with the chest infection."

"Mmm…" Kirsten said, still unconvinced that there was really nothing she could have done. "How soon until I take him home?"

"Well, I'd like to see him spend the night here. Maybe even keep him twenty- four hours for observation, make sure there's not another spike in his temperature. I'd like to keep him on the sedatives and IV antibiotics, not to mention clearing out his lungs a bit more. We can move him to a room in the pediatric ward." Kirsten tried not to smile as she thought about Ryan's reaction when he woke up surrounded by clowns and bunnies. She was also moderately bemused by the way Dr. Peterson spoke about it, as if they had some kind of opinion in the matter, when really it was all Dr. Peterson's decision.

"And his recovery?"

Dr. Danielson paused for a moment, looking at Ryan's chest rise and fall, and glanced at the numbers on the monitor, "He's lungs have just experienced a great deal of stress, it could be two, even three weeks before he really feels like himself again. The fever should be gone fairly soon, I'd say, four days maybe. The antibiotics should clear up the infection over the next week or, and the fever should go with it. I've already started him on an intensive treatment." He gestured to one of the clear tubes running into Ryan's body. "Once that's cleared up, his lungs should dry up a bit, so to speak. But, his body has been through a lot. He's going to need probably a solid week of bed rest." Easier said than done, thought Kirsten. Keep Ryan confined to bed for a week? They couldn't even do it for 24- hours. Maybe she should look into those restraints they used on hospital beds.

Dr. Peterson was still describing Ryan's post- hospital treatment, "He's going to be in some pain as well, breathing will not be easy for awhile. Although that bleed was very minor, he's going to be feeling that, as well as the general congestion, and of course, he needs to not cough, or he'll risk re-injury to the lungs, and we'll be right back where we started."

"What can I do?" Kirsten asked, feeling slightly overwhelmed by Ryan's delicate condition.

"Well, like I said, there's the antibiotic. He'll have to continue to take that orally for the next ten days. Also, I'll prescribe him an inhaler to help keep his airways clear and help him breathe." Ryan was really not going to like that. "Then there will be a cough syrup he can take- in limited doses. It contains codeine, it'll act as both a pain management tool and a cough suppressant. I'm also going to give him some regular pill- form codeine as well- just in case, but I'll suggest you're very careful about watching his doses. He'll only need the pills for the first few days, just until the pain subsides. Make sure he stays away from heavy machinery for awhile." Dr. Peterson attempted to joke, but Kirsten didn't smile.

"Right…"

"The main thing is to make sure that he doesn't exert himself at all for awhile. He should recover with minimal complications, but if he starts coughing heavily, well, like I said. We'll be right back where we started." He glanced at his watch, "I'm going to have a breathing therapist stop tomorrow as well, run through some tests with him. I may need to give him a few at- home tests for you to do with him, make sure his lungs get back to their full capacity."

"Of course…"

"Right, well I'm going to see about getting Ryan a room transfer."

"Of course… Thank you, Doctor." It was only when he was gone that Kirsten suddenly remembered that she hadn't told the rest of the family where they were.


	10. Chapter 10

The ringing phone jolted Seth awake from his cat nap on the couch. He bolted upright, scattering DVD cases and graphic novels (aka comic books) as he dashed for the phone. He skidded across the floor and crashed uncerimoniously into the counter.

"Ugh... Cohen residence?" He said, massaging his stomach where he had hit the hard counter top.

"Seth?" Sandy's voice was on the other end, "Are you okay, son?"

"Yeah fine... I just... Never mind..." Seth glanced around looking for a clock, he was still feeling slightly disoriented. The oven clock told him it was nearly eight o'clock at night. His mom and Ryan had been at the doctor's office for nearly five hours! "Have you talked to mom?" He asked, assuming that was why his dad had called- some kind of Ryan update.

"I thought she was home with you," Sandy said, sounding confused. "I called to tell her that I would be home late... Err..." He glanced at the clock on his desk, "Later. I got caught up with this case... Where is your mother?"

"She took Ryan to see the doctor,"

"Ah, so he wasn't feeling better?"

"No, Mom said his fever spiked."

"That's not good..." Said Sandy, stating the very obvious, then he paused, "Is the doctor's office even open?"

"I don't know..." The worry crept in to Seth's voice. "They left like five hours ago."

"Five hours?" Now Sandy sounded worry, "I'm going to give your mother a call. I'll call you right back, okay?" Sandy could only think of one place where Doctor's would still be working this late at night...

*****************************************************************

"Sandy?" Kirsten's voice sounded tired and strained.

"Hey honey, where are you?" Sandy asked, even though he had a feeling he already knew the answer. Five hours. 8 o'clock at night. They could only be one place.

"I had to take Ryan to the hopsital," She said in a calm voice, "He... He wasn't feeling good. Did you just get home?" She hadn't looked at a clock in hours, she had no idea what time it was.

"No... I was just about to leave the office." He lied. He had actually been planning on staying a few more hours, but now it was obvious he was needed at home. "How's Ryan?"

Kirsten glanced back to Ryan's sleeping form, his chest rising and falling. His pulse-ox was a little low, but Kirsten had been told not to worry, it would improve as the antibiotics and tubes cleared out the infection from his body, "He's... he's got a severe chest infection. Pnemonia. They're going to keep him here overnight."

"Overnight?" Sandy's voice caught, he hadn't been prepared for that. "Is he...?"

"He'll be fine... They're just trying to help him breathe and he's sedated for the pain. At least his fever had gone down last time they checked."

"The pain?" Sandy felt his heart muscles tightening with every word Kirsten spoke.

"A blood vessel in his lungs burst with all the coughing... And the infection was really bad."

Sandy took a few deep breaths to calm himself, "Should I go get Seth and bring him over there?" Sandy asked.

"No..." Kirsten steadied herself. "I was actually going to leave soon myself. He's in the children's ward and visiting hours are almost over. I tried to get him a private room, but he's under 18 and his illness is mild, so to speak, they didn't feel it warranted a private room. Even after I mentioned my maiden name..." Sandy could hear her almost cracking a smile. "And he's going to be sleeping through the night, he won't even notice if we're gone. Tomorrow we can all come back and see him."

"He's going to be sleeping?" Sandy was very surprised.

"Well... He's sedated."

"Oh... Is he going to be...?"

"He'll be fine. He's going to need at least a week of bed rest, and it's going to be awhile before he's at 100%, but they're going to release him from the hospital tomorrow."

"That's good." Sandy took a deep breath. "Do you want to talk to Seth or should I?"

*******************************************************************

Seth was standing in the living room, looking at the mess he had made. In attempt to keep his mind occupied while he had been alone in the house, he had gone through just about every DVD, video game console, and graphic novel he owned. Trying to find something that would actually keep his attention during the hours he had been waiting for Ryan and his mom to come home. He wondered how he had occupied his time before Ryan had arrived. When he was always alone. Of course... That was different. He hadn't had to worry about anyone except for himself. Now he had a friend. And a brother.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Sorry for the long delay between updates, for some reason I had a really hard time writing this chapter.

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Seth was furious with his parents, "Ryan's in the hospital and no one bothered to tell me?" He glared angrily back and forth between Sandy and Kirsten who exchanged looks. They had decided to wait until they were both and home and tell him together. Conveniently they had both arrived home at the same time.

"Well, we're telling you now, Seth." Sandy pointed out reasonably.

"Yeah- but Ryan's at the hospital. He has to stay there overnight..." Then another thought occured to him, "Why are neither of you there with him? Mom?"

"He's sedated right now, and they put him in the children's ward so there really was no place for us to stay."

"Sedated? Why?"

Kirsten tried to do her best to explain at the complex medical stuff the nurse had spent thirty minutes explaining to her, "Well, he was coughing so much that he burst a blood vessel so he's in a lot of pain. Also there's a lot of fluid in his lungs, so they're cleaning all of that out." Kirsten felt that perhaps telling Seth that Ryan currently had a tube going directly down his throat to clear out his lungs wasn't the best plan to try and keep Seth calm. She had been escorted from the room while they inserted it. They told her he was lucky, if his breathing was any more impaired he might have had to go on a ventilator. As it was, they were just trying to keep his good lung clear, the one that hadn't bled, and make sure he got enough oxygen into his body as his impaired lungs struggled to fulfill their normally simple task.

The doctor had told her that they were surprised Ryan had never been treated for asthma or complained about problems breathing. Kirsten had almost smiled when they told her that, it wasn't like Ryan to admit to any kind of weakness or pain or complain about well, anything for that matter.

So... He's going to be okay?" Seth said, when Kirsten finished explaining.

"Yes, but it is going to be awhile, okay Seth?" Sandy fixed him with stern looked, begging his son to understand the seriousness of Ryan's condition and just how difficult his recovery might be. Ryan was going to fight them every step of the way, Sandy was sure of it. He would need Seth on their side.

"Yeah..." Seth muttered. "Can we go see him tomorrow?" He asked.

"Well, he's going to be home tomorrow." Kirsten explained quickly, that and she thought it best to spare Seth the sight of Ryan lying in the hospital bed. It would be traumatic at best, and somehow she didn't think Ryan would appreciate it. "I'm going to go over there in the morning, and by the afternoon he should be ready to come home okay?"

"Yeah... Whatever..." Seth said, still feeling left out.

*****************************************************************

"Well, good morning sunshine," Ryan awoke to find someone smiling down at him bright, "How'd you sleep sweetheart?"

"Ughnn..." Ryan tried to talk but his throat was so dry and scratched that words wouldn't form.

"Here you go darling," The nurse said, extending a cup of cool water to him. Ryan managed to reach up and grasp the cup with his arm, which seemed to weight three times as much as he ever remembered it weighing. "Now drink it slowly..." She cautioned as Ryan moved to glup it down. He took a small sip. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Where am I?" His voice was hoarse and scratchy, and very quiet.

"Why, you're at the hospital of course." Ryan looked around him. Two of the walls he could see were just blue curtains. The other wall was painted with a picture of a seal dressed like a clown. "Infection control," The nurse said, indicating the blue curtains that surrounded him, "Don't need you catching any more germs on top of whatever else you already got."

"My chest hurts..." Ryan said.

The nurse nodded sympathetically, as she picked up his chart, "I'm sure it does, but don't worry I'm here to give you something for that just as soon as I do a few quick tests. And you're mom is hear waiting for you."

"My mom?" Ryan's heart thudded hard against his sore chest, Dawn?

"Sure, sweet little blond woman, she's right outside, and I know she's anxious to see you." For some reason that description reassured Ryan that it was Kirsten, and not Dawn who was waiting for him. By the time his mind had wrapped itself around that idea, he realized the nurse had already stuck a thermometer in his ear. "102... Still not very good, but better than last night," She told him cheerfully.

"Last night?" Everything was kind of a blur. He remembered Kirsten taking his temperature and then whisking him off in the car. The smell of antiseptic. Lying on a bed, a machine hovering over him as someone told him to lie still. A bathtub filled with ice. Blood on his hand.

"Honey, you gave us quite a scare. We finally had it down like about 103 and then it shot right back up again. I think we just about used up the cafeteria's ice trying to cool you down!"

"I'm sorry..." He whispered.

The woman looked concerned, "Oh darling, you did nothing wrong, it was just your body getting a little over-excited about beating back all those bad germs." If he had been in better shape, Ryan would have rolled his eyes. Clearly this woman was used to dealing with patients much younger than himself. Oddly, he found himself wishing Seth had been there with him to crack light- hearted jokes about Ryan's clearly having been placed in the children's ward, if the child friendly lingo and clown seal were any indication. Although, he was also glad Seth was not going to see him with all these tubes down his throat.

"Okay..." Ryan looked down and picked at the blanket.

"Let me go get your mother..." The woman said, disappearing behind the curtains. A moment later the curtains rustled and Kirsten came around the other side.

Ryan managed to smile tiredly when he saw there, "Hey Ryan, how ware you feeling?" She went to his side and lightly brushed the hair off his forehead.

"Better," He said, honestly this time. Of course, anything was "better" than how he felt yesterday.

"Good," Kirsten smiled at him, and squeezed his hand, "Did you sleep through the night?"

He nodded, "Don't remember anything..."

"It's alright, your fever was very high. They said you might not remember much." Ryan nodded solemnly.

"Can I go?" He asked.

Kirsten nodded, "Soon, a few hours. They need to check your lungs again."

"They hurt..." Ryan admitted, they hurt with every breath, and he was still being fed oxygen.

"I know, and they're going to hurt for awhile." Ryan rolled his eyes.

"How did... End up..."

"It's pneumonia... It can come on fast."

"The blood?"

"You remember?" Ryan nodded his throat and lungs hurt worse and worse with every word, more than two in a row was verging on excruciating, "You were coughing so much you ruptured a blood vessel. It will take a little while to heal, but as long as you don't cough, it will be fine."

"How can... not cough?" His voice was almost gone, like steel wool stripping paint from metal.

"You've been given the world's strongest cough syrup," Kirsten explained, with a smile. Not bothering to mention that it was laced with pain killers, muscle relaxants and sedatives to keep his lungs and throat from spasming. Also the doctor had given her a prescription for a spray that would numb Ryan's throat so it wouldn't hurt or tickle so he wouldn't feel like he needed to cough. She had also given Rosa very specific instructions to dust the house from top to bottom, and had instructed Sandy to replace all of Ryan's bedding with anti-allergy pillows and mattresses, so hopefully there would be nothing to inflame Ryan's throat. Even Seth had been given a dust rag and anti- allergy spray and told to go through his room. He had agreed, only because he had been told that if he didn't Ryan wouldn't ever be allowed up there. Everyone was also under very strict instructions not to mention any of these preparations to Ryan, certain it would make him feel horribly guilty for something that wasn't his fault. Besides, a good deep cleaning never hurt the house.

Ryan seemed satisfied with all these explanations, but his eyes were starting to close again. "Get some rest..." Kirsten said, kissing his forehead, which though warm at least wasn't burning with heat. Ryan nodded, without opening his eyes, and Kirsten's pulled up a chair to his bedside, took her hand in his, and gently stroked it while her new son fell into a peaceful sleep.

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A/N: Well, hope it was worth the wait!

PS I'm thinking about keeping this going maybe even through the events of Cotillion with the sick!Ryan twist. yays or nays?


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Okay so the Yay's have it... So much for my attempt at pure fluff and no plot... Looks like I might actually have to include some plot ;)

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Ryan was surprised by just how tiring even the slightest movements seemed to be. Not that he wasn't glad to be out of the hospital bed, but even the walk from the car to the living room couch was exhausting and left him gasping slightly for air. Kirsten was at his side instantly as he sank down onto the couch, holding his newly perscribed inhaler. He glared at warily for a moment then took it, and pulled a few pumps into his lungs. His breathing improved almost instantly, still, he would have preferred his lungs to function on their own, like they were supposed to.

Kirsten wasn't done fussing over him, as he handed her back the inhaler and seemed to sink deeper into the couch, his eyes closing almost the instant he let his head drop back.

"Sorry Ryan, not yet." Kirsten said.

Ryan would have groaned, but he knew the noise would have hurt his throat to much, so instead he just opened his eyes and struggled into a slightly more upright position. He knew this wouldn't be his final resting place either. Kirsten wanted him out in the pool house. She had explained that a few minor "modifications" had turned into a "clean room." Ryan wasn't sure what that meant but Kirsten told him that she had done everything she could to keep dust and irritants out of there.

She had asked Ryan if he would prefer to stay in the house, but he shook his head. Familiar was good. Or at least better. Kirsten had nodded her ascent and said that it was better because they could limit the foot traffic, germs and contaminents better. Ryan had vageuly wondered what she meant by that, and just how many precautions she was planning to take.

She let him rest for a moment on the couch and then stirred him to his feet, "Sorry Ryan, but that couch is probably filled with dust, and I don't want you breathing it in and coughing." Ryan nodded tiredly and got to his feet, leaning slightly on Kirsten for support as he stood. His legs felt like rubber after lying in the hospital bed.

Seth and Sandy weren't home, Kirsten had sent them out on a mission for various supplies, to give Ryan the chance at a quiet homecoming. Ryan didn't object. A chance to take a quick nap before Seth pounced on him sounded fairly ideal. He hadn't seen his foster brother since he had left for the hospital, and was in no rush while he felt so exhausted and miserable. He would have liked to wait a week or more, until he could at least talk, but he knew that it wasn't meant to be. Just being given privacy to get to his own bed was as much as could ask for.

When they made it back to his room, Ryan noticed immediatly that certain changes had taken place. There was new comforter on his bed, new sheets as well, the room smelled different too- almost too clean, sort of how the hospital had smelled. There was large air oxidizer on the floor near his bed as well. He turned to look at Kirsten, raising an eyebrow in an unspoken question about the obvious lengths she had gone.

"I just wanted you to be comfortable." She said, sounding slightly defensive.

Ryan looked around slightly helplessly, it was obvious she had gone through a lot of time and trouble and expense to do all of this for him, "You didn't have to..." He managed to whisper.

"I know, but I wanted you to get better." Ryan knew her intentions were good, but somehow, looking around his modified room, he felt worse. Weak and pathetic, like a helpless child. He hated being a burden like this. "Why don't you lie down?" Kirsten suggested gently, "Try out your new bedding..."

"New..." He said, approaching the bed slowly.

"It's hypoallergenic..."

"It's great... but you didn't..." Ryan said, his hand brushing the soft white blanket, unwilling to lie down on the bed, even though it looked soft and inviting, fluffy and white like a cloud.

"Ryan, lie down before you fall down." Kirsten said, no longer asking, but telling. Ryan aquisced, sitting down on the bed, taking of his shoes, and climbing in. Kirsten came over and pulled the cover back and then over him. "Don't lie down all the way..." She warned. Once she was satisfied that Ryan was settled and properly angled, she opened the drawer next to his bed and produced a brand new thermometer. Ryan looked at it, it looked like the kind they had the hospital, the ones that went in your ear. Kirsten didn't wait for comprehension to dawn on him before she stuck the small point into his ear. It beeped after only a few seconds. "101.5... Your fever went up since we left the hospital." It had been an even 101 when they had left, and it had only been a little over an hour. Kirsten sighed.

Ryan misinterrpreted, tired tears pricked at his eyes, "I'm sorry..." He said.

"What? Ryan... There's nothing to be sorry for." Kirsten sat down on the bed next to him and kissed his hot forehead, "I just want you to feel better."

"But it's been so much... trouble..."

"Ryan, sweetheart, you're not trouble. Trust me. Why don't you get some rest?" Ryan nodded, and closed his eyes, a solitary tear rolled down one of his cheeks, and he quickly brushed it away. Kirsten pretended she hadn't seen. "Your inhaler is right next to your bed, use it if you need to. Here's your phone. If you need something, just call, don't go wandering around okay? I'm going to get you a bottle of water. When you wake up, call me and I'll bring you something to eat. I know it's been awhile since you've had anything in your stomach. I was thinking soup, jello and some tea, alright?"

Ryan nodded, without opening his eyes, "Thanks Kirsten..." He managed. She brushed his blond bangs off his hot forehead, "Any time sweetheart." He was asleep before she had left the pool house. She paused to listen to his breathing. It was shallow, but even. She was glad she had resisted the urge to buy a new baby monitor to keep track of him. Ryan had felt akward enough about the other new implementations in his room, he probably would have refused to enter had he caught sight of something meant for infants!

**********************************************************************************************

"Are you sure we need all this stuff?" Seth said, as his dad continued to load their shopping card with the list of supplies Kirsten had given them. Everything from what seemed like a lifetime supply of ice pops to magazines Seth thought Ryan might like had ended up in their shopping cart.

"Hey, I'm just following the list." Sandy said, shrugging, as he pulled a box of facemasks off the shelf and tossed them in.

"She's not serious is she?" Seth said eyeing the facemask, "He can't be that contagious."

"They're not for him, they're for us." Sandy said, smirking, "So we dont contaminate him!"

"What's next, rubber gloves?"

"Don't you dare say those words in front of Kirsten!" Sandy warned. "You might give her ideas!"

As they rounded the corner, Seth spotted Marissa shopping with her father, "Incoming..." He said.

"What?" Oh..." Sandy looked up. Jimmy Cooper was not his favorite person at the moment. Newport's Golden Boy who it turned out was not so golden, but so far, Sandy was the only one who knew that part.

"Hey Seth, hi Mr. Cohen," Marissa smiled brightly.

"Hey Marissa..." Seth still wasn't used to Marissa acknowledging him in public, and he resented the fact that if it wasn't Ryan, she probably still wouldn't.

"Hey Seth... Hi Sandy..." Jimmy was significantly less chipper than his daughter.

"Is Ryan with you?" Marissa asked, trying to sound innocent.

"No, he hasn't been feeling well." Seth tried to discreetly cover the face masks with the ice pops box. No need for Marissa to know just how sick Ryan had been.

"Oh..." Marissa looked slightly crestfallen, "Well... Tell him I said to feel better."

"Sure thing," Seth said.

"Maybe I could come by?" She asked, tentatively.

"Give it a few more days, Marissa." Sandy said gently, "He's not quite up for much company yet."


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: For some reason I had a really hard time with this chapter. I think mostly I couldn't decide who's perspective to take on Ryan's first day back at the house, so I decided to give it to someone's who's thoughts we haven't really heard yet...

Oh, and yes I accidently posted the wrong chapter. It's fixed now...

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"How's he doing?" Sandy asked as he came into the house, carrying several bags of groceries and set them down on the counter.

Kirsten was standing at the kitchen doorway, staring out at the pool house, coffee mug clutched in her hands. She turned and looked at Sandy, "He's exhausted," She didn't elaborate.

"What did he say up the room?" Sandy pushed for more details. He would have gone out there and talked to him, but the poor kid was probably asleep.

"Not much... Just that I didn't have to..."

Sandy smiled slightly, "Well, of course you didn't have to, but did you explain to him that you wanted to?"

Kirsten shook her head, "Not really... I just... Well, I didn't know what to say to him. He apologized."

"For what?"

Kirsten shrugged, "Getting sick... Being trouble. Sandy, when he says things like that, I just don't know what to say. How can he think like that? He's sick... I'm his mother, of course I'm going to take care of him!"

Sandy sighed, "I don't think he's always had someone there to do that for him. Maybe he's used to being told he's a burden when he's sick. Dawn could barely take care of herself, she admitted as much. She was incapable of taking care of a healthy child much less one who needed real care." Sandy didn't know for sure. Trying to get Ryan to talk about it was harder than pulling teeth, but from what he knew about Dawn and Ryan, that seemed like the logical conclusion. "And you need to give him time, you've only been his mother for a few weeks. Just because you sign a piece of paper doesn't mean that he's automatically going to trust you completely."

"I'm surprised he trusts me at all..." Kirsten murmered, "After the way I treated him when he first arrived... Do you think he's forgiven me?"

Sandy raised an eyebrow, "Is that what all this fuss has been about? Buying all of this stuff for him?"

Kirsten gave him a half- smile, "Is it that obvious?"

Sandy chuckled and shook his head, "You can't buy love... At least not with that kid. Seth on the other hand..." He joked, then he looked around. "Where is Seth?"

"I thought he was with you?" Kirsten asked confused.

"He was... He was supposed to get the rest of the groceries out of the car." He groaned, "Do you think he went to go see Ryan?"

"Did you tell him he could?" Kirsten asked.

"No, but I might not have told him he couldn't."

"He asked?"

"Well, not exactly. He just said that if when we got home if he could see Ryan."

"And you said?"

"He's probably going to be asleep, and then he asked if he wasn't, and I said we would see..."

"So he went to see?" Kirsten rolled her eyes.

************************************************************************************

"Ryan? Hey buddy... Are you awake?" Seth stepped quietly into the darkened pool house. The shades had been drawn, and there was only a small lamp that was on, casting an eerie yellowish glow across the room. He was wearing the face mask, figuring his parents would probably be mad he even went here, but he had to see Ryan, and wearing the mask might soften their anger. Ryan stirred, and his eyes opened, then went wide. "How are you feeling?"

Ryan was still staring wide- eyed, he looked terrified, his eyes started darting around the room, as if he was trying to take in his surroundings. Seth watched his hand shake as he fumbled to turn on the lame next to his bed, the light flicked on and recognition dawned instantly in Ryan's eyes as Seth stood completely still, waiting for Ryan to get his bearings. "Seth?" He whispered.

"Yeah, came out here to see how you were doing..."

"Scared me..."

"Yeah sorry about that... Mom had us buy these masks..."

"Though I was... dreaming." Seth winced, Ryan wasn't whispering, his voice was just shredded.

"Can I get you anything man? Comic books? Ice pop?" Ryan shook his head, still looking slightly bewildered. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm in an... Alternate dimension, or something."

"Huh?"

"Never mind..." Ryan shook his head. Seth thought he might have wanted to explain, but the effort of speaking was too much for him.

"Well uh... Call the house, and uh, just breathe heavily into the phone or something if you need anything."

Ryan, sick and tired as he was, still managed to glare at him.

**********************************************************************************

After Seth left, Ryan closed his eyes, letting his body float on his soft bed, his mind slightly muddled by all the painkillers and heavy- duty cough syrup that Kirsten had administered to him. Alternate universe. Where there were people who cared about him, fretted over him, bought him stuff. The never- ending parade of stuff being bought. And face masks. Why the face masks? He hadn't asked. Talking hurt. Breathing was hard. For now, he just wanted to sleep and drift, but his mind still nagged at him. Was he sure this was even real? Why was Kirsten doing all of this for him? He was grateful, not beyond grateful. His mind fumbled to find a word to express how he felt, but failed to come up with anything worthy. But why was she doing it? There had to be a reason. An ulterior motive. Everyone has ulterior motives, he knew that. No one ever does something selfless and purely for the good of others. No, everyone has a reason for their actions, some sort of inner motive, some better than others.

Like Sandy. Sandy had a motive. Ryan had thought about it long and hard. Why would he have given Ryan a chance like this? Surely he saw hundreds, maybe thousands of kids, so why him? Why at that moment had he decided to step in and save Ryan?

First of all, Ryan decided, it was partially an accident. A snowball of events that had been triggered, maybe by accident, maybe it was fate, but Ryan was quite certain Sandy had never intended that Ryan should become a part of the family. No, he had just stepped in to give Ryan a temporary shelter, because Ryan had needed it, and Sandy liked to be the good samaritan. He liked to feel that he was doing his part in this world. It gave him purpose. And maybe allieviated some of his guilt about the life he led. So Sandy had just meant to offer Ryan a roof over his head than had somehow been become this. A family. At least on paper. As Ryan continued to contemplate the chain of events that had led to this bed, this home, this family, the medicine won the battle, and he drifted back to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

10pm

"Hi sweetheart..." Kirsten said, her surgical mask firmly in place, as she sat down next to Ryan on his bed, and gently ran a cool palm over his hot, damp forehead. It was almost ten o'clock at night. She wanted to give Ryan one last dose of medicine before she went off to bed. Sandy had agreed to wake up in a few hours and check on him at 2am and then Kirsten would do another check at 6am.

"Hey..." His voice was hoarse, and even in the dim light of the lamp next to his bed, Kirsten could see the slight sheen on sweat on his face.

"How are you feeling? Have you coughed at all?"

Ryan shook his head, "No coughing,"

"Well, that's good."

"Can you... No more masks... Please?" Ryan asked. "Too weird looking at you."

"Ryan, we're just trying to make sure you don't get worse. I don't want you catching any germs from us."

"Please?" He asked, his voice was hardly more than a hiss. With a sigh, Kirsten took off the mask.

"Better?"

"Yeah," Ryan managed a slight smile, "Thank you... Face masks are too much, like hospitals."

"I need to take your temperature," Kirsten said, Ryan's eyes were already closing. He nodded, not opening his eyes, but he did turn his ear towards her, as she stuck the new- fangled instrument into his ear. "100.3, not bad." Kirsten said, relieved at the much lower numbers

"Good..." Ryan muttered.

"Can I get this medicine into you before you fall back to sleep?" Kirsten pestered him.

Ryan nodded, turning his neck and opening his eyes slightly, "Yeah..." Kirsten popped open several pill bottles, and began handing Ryan his pills. There were four of them. Ryan took them one at a time, alternating with a bottle of water, taking small sips so as not to hurt his throat. When he was finished, Kirsten handed Ryan his inhaler. He rolled his eyes, but didn't protest, as he took several puffs. She ran her hand over his forehead again, was she imagining it or did it feel cooler. "Sandy will come back out here at 2am to do the next round."

Ryan shook his head, "I'll set my alarm... Do it myself..." He muttered.

"But Sandy will be jealous if he misses out on all the fun." Kirsten tried to joke.

"No... It's fine..." His words were starting to slur with sleep as the painkillers began to take effect and dragged him down into sleep. Kirsten just sighed and shook her head. Wishing Ryan would just understand that her and Sandy were willing, no happy, to do anything they could for him. For some reason, her mind flashed briefly to that moment in the jail when she had decided to take him home, and make him part of the family, officially. What would have happened to him if she had just left him there? What would have happened if he had gotten sick like that in there? As she listened to his breathing, it was still harsh and conjested, but every breath was deep and it didn't seem like he was struggling.

She thought back to the fire, and how upset she had been and how angry. The fire. Ryan had once said something about Luke finding him, and pulling him out. The mention had been brief. No one liked to talk about it. Kirsten thought about the dark smoke entering Ryan's already damaged lungs. They said it was probably second hand smoke. Like, smoke from a fire.

What if she had just let Ryan stay? What if there had never been talk of foster care of the group home. Well, for one thing, her model home would still be standing. And for another, well maybe Ryan might not have gotten sick like this. Sure there was the ciggarette smoke, but as much as she would have loved to blame all those who had been a part of Ryan's old life- at first she had been no better than them. She hadn't trusted him. She didn't want him in her house. Even as his eyes had looked at her, pleading for her to like him, to love him, to invite him into her home... She had been unable to do it. Too busy protecting Seth, or herself, she wasn't sure who or what. She felt hot tears sting her eyes as she looked down at the sleeping figure, her fingers brushed lightly across his hor forehead. "I promise... I'll never let you down again." She whispered to him.

2am

"Come on buddy... Wake up..." Sandy shook Ryan's shoulder gently, and slowly the blue eyes opened, and stared up at Sandy, tired and confused. There were dark circles under his eyes.

"I'd rather not..." Ryan said, sitting up slowly. Then, he coughed. Twice. Ryan's entire body tensed as he covered his mouth with his hand and then slowly pulled it away. Cringing, as he looked at it. He was wide awake now. He looked at his hand. No blood.

"Easy there kid..." Sandy reached out and rubbed gentle circles on his back, as his other hand went to his shoulder, and gently pushed him back down onto his pillow.

"Ow.." Ryan said weakly, his hand rubbing across his throat, wincing. "Hurt..."

"Yeah, sounded like it. Here." Sandy handed him the bottle of water, and Ryan took a small sip. Sandy then handed him a pill to swallow. Ryan took another small sip of water. "Have you been coughing at all?" Sandy asked.

Ryan shook his head, "No... First time... Can you... Not tell Kirsten? She'll worry..."

"As long as you don't do it again," Sandy shook his finger at Ryan in a gesture of mock reproach. He picked up the thermometer. "Ready?" Ryan nodded. His throat hurt too much to try and talk. "100.9..." Sandy sighed, "Went up a little..."

"Only little..." Ryan muttered, taking another sip of water.

"Yeah, guess it's not too bad." Sandy shrugged. "How are you feeling?"

"Better..." Ryan said, "'Cept my throat... hurts."

"Want me to go get you anything? An ice pop?"

Ryan shook his head, "Just want sleep..."

"Alright..." Sandy said reluctantly, standing up, and brushing the hair off Ryan's forehead. "Get some rest."

"Thanks..." Ryan said, but no words came.

Sandy smiled kindly, "It's alright kid, just get some sleep." Ryan nodded, looking slightly distraught. "Oh! I almost forgot!" His eyes went to the inhaler next to Ryan's bed. Ryan rolled his eyes, but obendiantly inhaled the medicine. "Good, get some rest kid."

Ryan nodded, his eyes starting to close, but he still winced as he swallowed. Sandy winced in sympathy. Wishing that somehow there was more he could do.


	15. Chapter 15

When Ryan's eyes opened again, soft morning light filtered into the room from behind his partially opened blinds, and Kirsten was sitting next to him. Her palm was resting against his forehead.

"K-Kirsten?" He asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Kirsten quickly withdrew her hand, and smiled at him, nervously.

"Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?"

Ryan waited for a moment before answering, taking an inventory of his body. He took a breath, swallowed, and blinked his eyes a few times, "Chest hurts less," He said, trying to smile, but that was just about the only thing that felt better. To be honest, a lot of things felt worse. He had a headache that hadn't been there the night before, and the room felt overly warm.

Kirsten seemed to read his mind, "Your fever went up..." Ryan closed his eyes, feeling frustrted and defeated, "I already called the doctor, it's only at 102, as long as you don't start coughing or feeling too much worse the best thing they said we could do is keep you here, and make sure you rest." Ryan opened his eyes and looked relieved. "Take your medicine then you can go back to sleep."

"What time is it?" He asked.

"Early, go back to sleep."

"All I've done is sleep..." Ryan muttered, but his eyes were already sliding shut.

"Not yet Ryan," Kirsten said, gently stroking his arm. "Still need your medicine," Ryan started to groan, but it hurt his throat and he started to cough. "Drink." Kirsten ordered, handing him a glass of water. Ryan drank.

"Thanks..." His voice was gravely, he sank down into his pillow. Kirsten began dumping his dosages out onto her hand.

"Take these, then you can get some sleep."

Once all the pills were gone, Ryan felt a wave of exhaustion crash over him. His eyes were closing as Kirsten leaned over and kissed his forehead. He tried to not flinch at the unfamiliar action. No one had ever done that for him before, not the way Kirsten did it. It was somehow familiar, an action he had seen performed but not on him, but he had always imagined how it would feel. Fantasized even about how it would feel, because to him that gesture seemed to symbolize everything a mother might do. Everything his mother had never done. He remembered Dawn's lips brushing his forehead, briefly, distracted, hoping not to find a fever. More often than that not after that kind of kiss she declared him fine, and ordered him to find his backpack and get ready for school.

* * *

"How's he doing?" Sandy was pacing in front of the glass kitchen door that led to to pool house. The blinds were drawn, and he couldn't see Ryan.

"He's okay, he's fallen back to sleep."

"How's he feeling?"

"He said his chest hurt less, but his fever went up-" Sandy's eyebrow's shot up, "Don't worry, I already called the ER. I'll call the doctor as soon as the office is open."

"Should we take him back?" Sandy asked anxiously.

"No, they said we should keep him here, and let him get some rest."

"Right..." Sandy didn't look convinced.

"Let him be, Sandy." Kirsten warned, "We can check on him again at 10."

"Every four hours... Right..." Sandy muttered. He wanted to go back out there, but he knew Kirsten was right. The kid needed rest more than anything. He also knew it was important not to smother him. Ryan hadn't been with them that long. He wasn't Seth. He needed time, and maybe a little space. Or at least, as much space as it was safe to give him. He was glad Kirsten had decided that the pool house really was the best enviornment for the kid. Not that he didn't want Ryan close, but honestly, for Ryan's mental health, it seemed best to leave him in surroundings that were as familiar as possible and he was certain that Ryan's independence remained important to him, even when it was impossible to give it to him. At least, right now. Now he needed a family. Even if he didn't know it.


	16. Chapter 16

Around noon, Ryan found himself awake without an adult standing by his bed. The headache had subsided somewhat, and he felt almost OK. Of course, that revelation only brought a new realization that it had been some time since he had bathed and he felt like he really needed a shower. He glanced at the phone on the bedside table, would Kirsten want him to call? He shook the thought away with a shudder. He was a big boy, the last few days aside, he felt like he was usually completely able to take care of himself, why would he call Kirsten?  
With a groan, he found himself getting slowly to his feet. His muscles, unused to much movement, protested slightly, but soon he was up and staggering towards the bathroom, amazed at how much energy it seemed to take. Bathroom trips had been all but excruciating, and he wondered if he really had the strength to stay upright in the shower, but a glance in the bathroom mirror at his sweat soaked hair told him a shower was more than overdue.

Trying not to cough, he leaned over and turned on the hot water, then sat down and rested on the toilet while the water got hot. When steam began to pour out of the shower, he got back to his feet and shed himself of his well- worn pajamas. Normally, he made every effort to be tidy, but right now, he just couldn't be bothered. Free from his clothing, he stepped into the shower. The warm water felt good against his aching muscles and tight chest, and he tried to breathe in as deeply as he could. The warm most air felt softer on his torn lungs.

"Marissa!" Seth stared in shock when his next- door neighbor, who had never before actually appeared at his door, stood on the other side of it when he answered the doorbell ring.

"Hi Seth," She smiled brightly, as if they were life- long friends. "How are you?"

"Uhmm… I'm fine Marissa… How are you?" Seth responded, rocking back and forth slightly, and feeling awkward, but he had a feeling he knew what she wanted.

"Is Ryan around? I brought him some soup." She held up a Tupperware container filled with a brown- looking broth.

"He's sleeping." Seth said quickly, he was pretty sure his parents would not be happy about Ryan getting visitors, and he wasn't sure Ryan would appreciate it either.

"Oh…" Marissa looked disappointed.

"I'll give it to him," Seth offered.

"Right…"

"Are you uh… Going to Cotillion?" Seth asked, trying to figure out a way to ask if Summer was going, and if Summer had a date…

"Yeah Seth, I'm the lead debutante," Marissa said, in a tone that made it clear that this was a fact he should have known.

"Oh… Right…"

"Do you think Ryan will be going?" She asked, more excited now.

"Uh… If he's feeling up to it…" Seth said, shrugging. "I'll be there." He added, but he knew Marissa probably didn't care.

"Do you have a date?" Marissa looked him up and down.

"Uh… No."

"Well, maybe I could find someone to fix you up with…" She said, still examining him. "If…" Her eyes moved behind Seth and towards the pool house.

Seth sighed, "Alright… But, if anyone asks, you snuck past me. Rosa let you in or something."  
"Right. Thanks Seth!" Marissa waved and practically skipped through the house.

Ryan was just climbing out of the shower when he heard a knock on the pool house door. With shaky hands he tied a towel around his waist. "Coming…" He said, his voice stronger than it had been, but still not very loud.

As he came out of the bathroom, he stared at the visitor who had appeared in his room. "Marissa? What are you doing here?" He was glad all the words came out.

"I uh… Wanted to see how you were doing…"

"Oh… I'm okay…" Ryan said, edging towards where he kept his limited clothing supply.

"I brought you some soup," Marissa held up a container for inspection.

"Oh… Thanks…" He said, he was very confused by her behavior. If she was with Luke… Why was she bringing him soup.

"I saw Seth at the supermarket, he said you weren't feeling well,"

"Yeah," Ryan said. Had Seth mentioned that? Everything seemed to blur together in his fevered brain, and judging from the sweat that was breaking out across his skin, even in the cool air, it was climbing again. He swiped a hand through his damp hair, hoping to wipe away some of the sweat, and hoping he'd be able to stay standing. His legs were beginning to tremble, like his knees might buckle at any moment. He cringed as he thought about how he must look to Marissa right now. He had seen himself in the mirror before taking a shower, his face looked thin and pale, and his eyes were sunken.

Then he looked at Marissa and realized that her eyes kept dropping to his abs. He looked down, paranoid that there might be something gross on him, like a glob of mucus and then and almost started to laugh. In between barely eating and the constant coughing, that was actually an ironically kind of an ab workout, his six- pack was more defined than ever. Go figure.

Suddenly, he felt more confidant, "Well, thanks for the soup. I'm gonna…" He gestured to his clothing.

"Oh… Right…" Marissa flushed.

"You could just… turn around." Ryan suggested, not quite wanting her to go. She nodded her asent and spun backwards as Ryan pulled on boxers, sweatpants and t-shirt. Being clean and in fresh clothing did make him feel a whole lot better. "You can turn around…" He said, annoyed as he noticed his voice quickly becoming hoarse again.

Marissa turned around, a look of slight concern on her face as Ryan went towards his bed and slid into it. Grateful to be off his feet. "How have you been feeling?" She asked, eyes wide with what looked like genuine concern.

"Like I got hit by a truck," He said, honestly, sighing, his eyes closing as he tried not to wince with discomfort.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No… I'm good." He was tired he realized, he didn't have the energy to keep talking. "Thanks for the soup."

"Yeah, sure…" Marissa glanced at the door, then hesitated, like she wasn't sure she wanted to go. "See you around?" She asked.

"Yeah, see you…" Ryan said, managing to pull a hand out from underneath the covers and wave good bye. When the door closed, so did his eyes.


	17. Chapter 17

"Hey man, are you awake?"

Groaning, Ryan opened his eyes to find Seth's eyes peering down at him, "Yeah man... Now I am..."

"What did Marissa want?"

"Huh? Oh... Bring me soup?"

"Oh come on Ryan- that was not bringing of soup. That was, the bringing an olive branch." Seth nodded, seeming pleased with his pronouncement.

"An olive branch?"

"You know? Like a truce?"

"Oh... Right..." Ryan forced himself upright. The headache was back and his felt fuzzy with congestion and cough medicine. Why had Marissa come over? He glanced at his bedside table. The soup sat in its Tupperware container untouched. "Where's Kirsten?"

"She's getting some work done upstairs, but she said keep an eye on you. Hey man, look, I'm sorry about Marissa. I didn't know if you'd want to see her or not, but like, if you did want to see her... I mean, I'm kinda new to this whole brother thing, so uh..."

"It was fine Seth, don't worry about it." Ryan smiled tiredly.

"So uh... Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm good man. Thanks."

"Yeah, sure." Seth back away awkwardly. "If you do though, don't hesistate to ask or anything."

"Thanks," Ryan said, his eyes already closed as Seth made his exit. "Wait... That soup..." Ryan opened his eyes, and picked up the soup off his bedside table. "Mind disposing of the evidence? Not sure how Kirsten would feel..."

"I'm all over it. It'll be like she was never here."

"Thanks man," Ryan handed off the soup.

* * *

When Ryan opened his eyes again, he was unsurprised to see Kirsten on the bed next to him. She was looking at the thermometer. The light in the room was dim. The sun had set, and Kirsten had only turned on the light next to his bed. "Hey..." Ryan said to let Kirsten know he was awake.

"Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?"

"Tired," He said, as if the fact that he had done nothing but sleep for about twenty four hours hadn't been a tip- off, but he wasn't sure what else to say. He didn't want to complain about his symptoms anymore.

"Do you have a headache? Your breathing sounds a little wheezy, when was the last time you used the inhaler?"

"I dunno... Mostly I've just been sleeping." He experimented with a deep breath, and found that it seemed to cut itself short, like his lungs were refusing to inflate. "I should use it."

"Yes, you should." Kristen said, with a knowing smile as she handed him the small plastic device, and watched him as he used it. "I think you're overdue for these too," She gestured to his pile of pills- fever reducer, cough suppressant and antibiotics. Ryan sighed. "And how would you feel about a little dinner. I have soup, maybe some crackers? You can't keep taking all these pills on an empty stomach.

Ryan nodded, "Okay,"

"Alright. You take those, and I'll be right back." As Kirsten made her exit back to the kitchen and began to get a bowl of soup and crackers ready for Ryan she began to wonder if the reason she kept herself so busy with Ryan's care was to avoid any actual conversations. Truth be told, often she just didn't know what to say to Ryan. Sandy seemed to know. Seth could talk to anyone... But she, she was at a loss. Not that she would admit it to anyone, but honestly, unless they were talking about architecture or daily business, they had very little to say to one another. She wondered if time would change that. If somehow this illness might make him open up to her, but somehow she doubted. Ryan was an indepedent person. He wasn't used to trusting adults. Or having them worry about him. Worry about what was in his best interests. And she was worried about him, not just that he was sick, but what the future would hold. Would he be okay at Harbor? Would he really settle down? Would he really stop fighting? She sighed as she poured the soup into the bowl and brought it back out to Ryan. Remembering to wipe the worry from her brow and put a smile on her face.


	18. Chapter 18

Kirsten tried not to hover as Ryan ate, but it was hard not to. She forced herself to leave him alone, offering the weak excuse that he might want a fresh batch of comic books from Seth. Ryan seemed to understand that she wanted to give him space, and not minding a little space while he ate, didn't mention that he hadn't touched the ones she had brought him yesterday. The tiny letters and bright colors made the constant headache worse. He sighed as he finished about half the soup and put it aside, sinking back down. The familiar feelings of sickness seemed to reverberate over his body as well as the feeling of annoyance that his body was just so weak. Kirsten had taken his termperature right before he ate. A solid 101- not bad but not good either. At least it seemed to be slowly working its way down to normal, but every day it felt like it drained him a little more.

He sighed and coughed, and reached automatically for the inhaler. He hated using it. A pathetic, cheap plastic device that seemed to be the only thing standing between him and not breathing. The thoguht was somehow terrifying. It reminded him of when he was seven years old and he had broken his arm, and the doctor had given him the plaster cast. Ryan couldn't believe that it would really make his arm feel better, it seemed so fragile at first. Brittle. Like his bones. They were supposed to be strong. The faded poster in the school cafeteria told him that if he drank his milk he'd have strong bones- so he always drank his milk. But his bones weren't strong, at least not strong enough.

Ryan let his eyes close, his mind sinking further back into the memory. _They had been at the public town pool. Dawn had taken them as a special treat. She had been doing well that month. She hadn't been drinking. She had a job, and it was summer. She was working nights at a busy diner as a waitress and the tips were good. The day had been hot. Too hot to sit inside their stuff un-air conditioned apartment so Dawn had taken them to the pool. It had been a fun day. Ryan couldn't swim that well, but he watched another kid doing it and slowly figure out how. By the end of the day, he could swim back and forth all the way, but he was tired, sunburned and ready to go home. But not Trey. Trey had run into some of his friends from school, and didn't want to leave. They spent the day smoking found cigarette butts behind the snack stand. Dawn hadn't been paying much attention to either boy as she sat in her pool chair and chain- smoked and read trashy gossip magazines and a short romance novel. Finally at around 4 o'clock she had decided it was time to go. She had probably finished reading her novel. She stood up and called the boys. Ryan came eagerly, although not to quickly. He was sunburnt and had spent the day swallowing pool water. Truth be told, he didn't feel well, and was more than happy to be going home, but Trey didn't want to leave his friends._

_"Where's your brother?" Dawn asked, when Ryan appeared._

_"I dunno," Ryan shrugged, the skin on his back hurt. _

_"Well, go find him!" Dawn insisted. Ryan sighed and went plodding off to find his brother. He found him with his friends._

_"Mom says it's time to go."_

_"Go away." Trey said, "I'll come when I'm ready."_

_"C'mon Trey- I wanna go!" Ryan said, hot tears springing to his eyes. He was tired and just wanted to go lie down. He felt hot and his skin hurt._

_"I'll be there in a minuet!" Trey said, glaring at him. Ryan realized he should have left it at that, but the bad sunburn had made him ornery._

_"No! Come on! Or I'll tell Mom!" _

_"You wouldn't!" Trey said. He knew his mother would be really mad if she found him smoking- she had noticed that a few packs had gone missing recently and blamed a guy she had been seeing. If she knew Trey was smoking- she might realize he was behind the thefts. _

_"Mom!" Ryan said, turning and running away from Trey. Trey threw down his cigarette and chased after him. Good. Ryan thought, I can bring him back to Mom. _

_"No running!" A life guard yelled as Ryan came back around from behind the shed, Trey in hot pursuit, but Ryan didn't listen. He heard the flap-flap of Trey's feet against the floor and put on an extra burst of speed, only his foot slipped on the wet concrete, and fell. He tried to break his fall with his hands, but he still skidded, and ended up scraping his knees against the concrete. _

_When the life guard came running over he was sitting on the ground, crying, his knees bloody, clutching his broken wrist. In the commotion of people running to Ryan, Trey slipped away. He would later come up to Dawn and ask what had happened. Ryan had heard, and felt more angry tears on his cheek as the life guard gently held Ryan's arm by the elbow and told Dawn to take him to the ER right away to get that wrist looked at. That was where they had given him the weak- looking plaster cast and tried to cheer him up by offering him a choice of colors- he chose dark blue. Dawn had been mad at him. Trey had smirked. Ryan had gone home and curled up in bed and cried himself to sleep. _

"Ryan?" A voice was saying, soft and gentle. "Ryan, come on sweetie, wake up." Ryan opened his eyes, the light was dim.

"M-Mom?" He tried to flex his hand, and was surprised when he felt his fingers move. His arm didn't hurt. His chest did. It had been the dream. Had he just called Kirsten Mom? He felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment, and then he felt a cool hand against his face.

"I think you're fever went up," Well, that explained why in the dream the heat from the sunburn had felt so vivid.

"Oh..." Ryan was still embarrassed.

"Were you dreaming?"

Ryan nodded, "Yeah,"

"Good dream or bad?"

If he hadn't felt so weak and vulnerable at that moment, so outright exhausted from his fight with his illness, and the fact that the past seemed so determined to dog him he never would have answered honestly, but somehow, as he looked into Kirsten's concerned eyes, he found himself wanting to tell the truth. "They're always bad... I just want... I just want..." He heaved, a sob forced its way from him, and the tears that had felt so real in the dream started to flow. "I just want someone to care."

"Oh sweetie," Kirsten pulled him towards her, "We care about you, we're here for your. We're your family now." She stroked his back. It felt good to be there in her arms. "You can call me Mom too, you know. If you want."

"So you won't send me back?" He asked, his words still broken with sobs.

"Of course not," Kirsten said. Won't send me back? What did that even mean? Send him back where? He had nowhere to go- nowhere to be sent to.

His eyes opened. It was a dream. There was a knock at the door and Kirsten came in. "How was the soup?"

"Great," Ryan lied. His eyes hurt, as if he had been crying. Kirsten walked over to him and picked up the bowl.

"You didn't eat very much..."

"Sorry... still not..."

"That's okay," She looked at his face. "Ryan, is everything okay?"

"Yeah- everything's fine- why?"

"You just," she almost laughed at the thought- Ryan? Never. "Well, you looked like you were crying."

"Nope, I'm good." Ryan forced himself to smile. Unsure whether he was relieved that it had been a dream- so he hadn't really cried in front of Kirsten or sad because she hadn't told him he really was a part of the family. Or that he could call her Mom.

* * *

Ah yes, apologies for this chapter- I'm extremely over-tired and sleep deprived (my cousin's bachlorette party was last night.) But well, after I wrote it I kind of liked it, tell me what you think!


	19. Chapter 19

The next two days seemed to pass in a vague blur to Ryan. He spent most of his time sleeping, except when Kirsten woke him up to eat or take medication or when Seth or Sandy came in to visit him, but Ryan usually didn't have much energy for long conversations. Although he did manage to remain awake for an entire movie with Seth. Finally, his temperature, aided by medicine actually managed to drop to below 100 degrees, and he was starting to get a different kind of fever- cabin fever.

Seth was keeping him company in the pool house, as Ryan played video games. He kept thinking back to the last time he had tried to play video games and had been coughing and sneezing so much he could barely hold the controller.

"Hey Ryan..." Seth paused the game, and looked over at him. "You know, after the fire- we never really got to talk."

"Huh?" Ryan looked at Seth, wondering where this was going.

"Were you okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... After my mom brought you home, we just kinda..." He glanced at the TV, "Started playing video games."

"Right..."

"Well, I mean, how did you get out?"

"Luke grabbed me..." Ryan admitted. "Kind of saved my life..."

"And then what happened?"

"I dunno... I was unconcious, woke up... Everyone was gone. Ran off. Found Luke. You know the rest." Ryan tried unsuccessfuly to clear his throat. That was the most he had spoken in several days.

"Do you think the smoke inhalation could have had something to do with?" Seth asked earnestly.

"Huh?"

"I mean... You just said you were unconcious. I'm not going to tell Mom or anything."

"Yeah... Thanks..." Ryan said, shying away slightly from Seth, his hand unconciously going to his sore chest. Could that have been it? Kirsten had been so quick to damn his family, but what if this was his own fault?

As if she could hear him thinking of her, Kirsten chose that moment to appear in the doorway, "Seth, are you ready to go?"

Seth groaned, "I'll never be ready."

"Ready for what?" Ryan asked.

"Tux fitting," Seth said, as he got to his feet as slowly as possible. Ryan looked confused.

"For Cotillion," Kirsten explained, "I was going to pick up one for you too Ryan."

"Wow, even coughing up blood won't get you out of this Newport party."

Kirsten ignored her son, "What size do you wear?"

"You don't need..." Ryan blushed, he hated when Kirsten bought him things.

"No, Ryan, you need." She smiled at him, "Even if you're not well enough to go to Cotillion, there are going to be plenty of Newport events where you will need one."

"Would be it easier if I came?" Ryan offered, resigning himself to the idea that it would be easier to go along with The Kirsten on this one then fight it. From the pleased look on Kirsten's face he could tell that he had chosen the right option

"Well..." Kirsten hesistated, "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"If we wait until tomorrow?" Ryan pleaded, seeing a chance to escape from the house for a little while. Kirsten looked at him dubiously.

"Do you really think you'll be ready?"

Ryan nodded earnestly, "I feel a lot better today..."

"Alright... If you're fever's down- and I mean way down." Ryan nodded. Kirsten looked at Seth and sighed, "Looks like you've earned yourself a stay of execution." When she was gone, Seth punched Ryan lightly in the arm.

"Thanks man, I owe you one- but why did you just agree to go tux shopping?"

Ryans shrugged, "Make life easier on your mom?"

"Well, don't start doing that too often. It will make her soft. And she might start expecting the same from me!"

Ryan smirked. He wished it were always so easy to make people happy as let them buy you something.

* * *

The next morning with his temperature resting at a solid 99.2, Kirsten sighed and said Ryan could come with them to the tux place. She worried that the exertion would tire him out, but he must have been eager to leave the house, or else he would never have actually asked to go to tux shopping. She could imagine better outings, but it would be quick.

She brought them to the tux rental place and showed Ryan to the room where he could select any tux of his liking. A tall woman with a severe bun and high thin cheek bones swept towards them. "Is this the newest member of your family?" She asked Kirsten, looking Ryan up and down. "He looks a bit pale... Sickly..." Ryan looked to Kirsten for help.

"Ryan's been feeling a bit under the weather the last few days..." Kirsten said, putting her arm protectively around Ryan's shoulders.

"Oh, very well." The woman gestured towards the suits, "Here you have your Versace, your Armani," She rattled off several other italian names and then left Ryan, who stood helplessly and stared.

"Go on," Kirsten nudged him, "Pick out one you like- I have to take Seth over to see the Taylor, and keep an eye on him. Last time he had the guy measuring him for a custom suit with tails!" She pushed Ryan towards the racks of dark suits and then dissappeared.

"Chino!?" He heard an half- excited, half- astounded cry. He turned around.

"Hey Summer,"

"What are you doing here? We thought you were gone or something." She looked him up and down. Behind her, Luke and Marissa turned around.

"Yeah... Well... I decided to stay." He caught Marissa's eye. Luke saw and his face darkened.

"What's wrong with you? You look like crap." He said, glaring at Ryan.

"I've been sick..."

"You know who else's been sick? Newport- we're sick of you!" Luke said.

Summer rolled her eyes and scoffed, "Luke, that might have been the worst comeback of all time."

"How are you feeling?" Marissa asked, ignoring her boyfriend and best friend.

Ryan shrugged, "Better."

"Better?" Luke halted his stare-down with Summer and turned to look back and forth between Marissa and Ryan. "You knew he was sick?" He asked.

"I uh... I saw Seth and Sandy, they told me." Marissa told him, brazenly staring him down.

"Right... Whatever," He waved his hands and stalked away. "I'm done with this shit."

"I should..." Marissa gestured towards her runaway boyfriend.

"Yeah..."

"So, you're coming to Cotillion?"

"I dunno... maybe." Ryan shrugged. "If I feel up to it."

"Well, if you do... I might save you a dance." Ryan smiled as Marissa turned and walked away.\

* * *

A/N: Yes, look at that- it was sort of cannon. That's a new trick for me! What do you all think?


	20. Chapter 20

* * *

Kirsten studied the thermometer and frowned, "Guess we pushed it a little with that outing, huh?"

"How bad is it?" Ryan asked. Kirsten had insisted on his taking his temperature the moment they'd walked into the house. Ryan blamed himself for falling asleep on the car ride home. As soon as they had reached the driveway Kirsten had hustled Ryan inside the house and onto the couch.

"101.2,"

"S'not that bad..." Ryan muttered, "Rather that than be cooped up here..." Kirsten raised an eyebrow and Ryan shrugged. "It was good to get out..."

"And see Marissa you mean?" Ryan flushed, slightly. "It's okay, we've all done crazier things for love than drag ourselves from our sickbeds." She patted him on the shoulder. Ryan was surprised, he would have expected a lecture. It was hard to imagine Kirsten doing anything too crazy... Or being madly in love. "You know, she's helping lead a ballroom dancing class before Cotillion, maybe if you actually rest between now and then you might even be well enough for that." Ryan looked up, a little too expectantly. Kirsten smiled at him, and Ryan smiled back, realizing she had noticed his enthusiasm, but then he shrank back into the couch.

"Doesn't matter anyway..." he sighed, "She's with Luke."

"And has been forever," Seth chimed in. "Since like, the sixth grade. But me thinks she likee Ryan."

Kirsten scrunched her nose, "Seth, don't say likee."

"Why not?"

"It's just- weird." Ryan chuckled to himself, and snuggled deeper into the blanket drifting off to sleep to the sound of Kirsten and Seth bantering.

_He knew he was dreaming. Not like last time, no, this was a dream. He was standing on a road somewhere. Marissa was standing next to him. She turned to him, "You're going to lose me."_

_"Huh?" Ryan was confused._

_"Right here." She told him, looking to the highway above them. __"You'll save me once, only to lose me here."_

_"Save you? From what?"_

_She smiled at him, "From myself... But Ryan..." She stepped towards him, her hand cool as it brushed his bangs off his face, "Who will save you?"_

_He looked at her, "I've already been saved. The Cohens... Sandy... Kirsten... They saved me." _

_She studied his face, "Maybe, but you know what I've learned." She looked up again at the steep drop between the two roadways, "Really in the end the only person you can really save is yourself."_

_"Are you saying I shouldn't have come today? That I shouldn't go to Cotillion?"_

"Ryan?" A voice interrupted Marissa, and Ryan jolted awake, gasping and then coughing. He looked around, confused.

"Sorry Kirsten... I fell asleep..." He said hoarsly.

"That's okay... We were about to have dinner- do you want to join us?"

"Okay..." Ryan said, sitting up, still confused by his dream. What did it mean? He shook his head, noticing a headache coming on, it was just a dream. Dreams don't mean anything. Except... He looked into the kitchen, the perfect tableau of a family. Their eyes turned toward him.

"Come join us," Sandy gestured smiling.

"Yeah, come eat!" Seth said.

"It's great to have the whole family around the table again," Sandy said, smiling, as Ryan said down with them. The family? Ryan looked at Sandy in wonderment. "The whole family," Sandy repeated, smiling, "Do you want some peas?"

"Peas, would be great." He met Seth and Kirsten's eyes. They both smiled. A family. His family. Not just on paper.

* * *

A/N: Okay, so I started writing this chapter with no intentention of finishing the story- but then, it ended. I hoped you like it, yes I know lots of problems aren't resolved, but well, it's still season 1 isn't it? ;)


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